The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Joy of Sect (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney, Hans Moleman, Sideshow Mel, Groundskeeper Willie, Squeaky Voiced Teen, Blue-Haired Lawyer

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : Wait, I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

  Glen : What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there!

  Homer Simpson : Oh, you see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span.

  Jane : But our point is very simple. You see, when...

  Homer Simpson : Ooh, a bird!

  [runs outside and giggles goofily as he chases it] 

• Hans Moleman : [in a "Just Crichton and King bookstore"]  Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?

  Store Clerk : Get out.

• Fox TV announcer : You are watching Fox.

  Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : [all in a trance]  We are watching Fox.

• [repeated line] 

  Homer Simpson : Outta my way, jerkass!

• Jane : A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, Blisstonia.

  Homer Simpson : [gets given a leaflet]  Hmm. Makes Sense.

  Jane : We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend.

  Homer Simpson : How much is this free resort weekend?

  Glen : It's free.

  Homer Simpson : And when is this weekend?

  Glen : It's this weekend.

  Homer Simpson : Uh-huh. And how much does it cost?

  Glen : Um, it's free.

  Homer Simpson : I see. And when is it?

  Glen : It's this weekend.

  Homer Simpson : And what are you charging for this free weekend?

  Bart Simpson : Come on, Dad. The team's arriving.

  Homer Simpson : [being dragged away by Bart]  It's free, right?

• Homer : I've joined the Movementarians, Marge.

  Marge : You WHAT?

  Homer : I've joined the Movementarians. And so have all of you.

  Marge : We WHAT?

  Homer : All I had to give them was our life savings, the deed to our house, and a commitment of 10 trillion years of labor.

  Marge : I can't go along with this, Homer.

  Homer : Marge, when I join an underground cult, I expect a little support from my family.

  Lisa : Do you think you might have been brainwashed, Dad?

  Homer : I haven't been brainwashed.

  [Goes glassy eyed] 

  Homer : Kill the girl. Kill the girl.

• Homer : And to think I turned to a cult for mindless happiness when I had beer all along.

  Marge : Mmmmm...

  Homer : And you, Marge, the bringer of beer.

• Homer Simpson : These lima beans are even better than the ones we had for breakfast and lunch! Oh! A lima bean that looks just like the Leader! I'll put it with the others.

  [places it on a bench marked "Leader Beans"] 

  Marge Simpson : Homer, you know I always try to put the best face on everything, but THERE'S NO FACE ON THAT DAMN BEAN! We hate it here! And your family wants to leave!

  Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : No, we don't, Mother. We love the leader!

  [Maggie takes off her pacifier, revealing she too is brainwashed] 

  Marge Simpson : NOOOOO!

• Lisa : Watch it, Dad, you're the highly suggestible type.

  Homer : Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

• Groundskeeper Willie : [about getting Homer away from the cult]  I'll kidnap him for $50, deprogram him for $100 and I'll kill him for $500.

  Marge Simpson : No, no, no. Just the first two!

  Groundskeeper Willie : All right. I'll throw in the killing for free.

• Marge Simpson : I've never heard of these Movementarians. Are they some kind of church?

  Homer Simpson : Who cares what it is. The point is, these are some decent generous people that I can take advantage of!

  Marge Simpson : But what if they try and talk us into something?

  Homer Simpson : Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time share vacation condo?

  Marge Simpson : You bought four of them! Thank God the check bounced.

  Homer Simpson : So I beat the system.

• Jane : [to Homer]  Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contemptment?

  Homer Simpson : What kind of beer?

• Groundskeeper Willie : [to Reverend Lovejoy]  Give me that, you noodle-armed choir boy!

• Lisa Simpson : Dad and all these other people are obviously the product of mental conditioning.

  Bart Simpson : Yeah, maybe it'll wear off like his interest in CB radio.

  Homer Simpson : That's a negatory, good buddy!

• Glen : Let the judgment begin! I'll get the ball rolling.

  Glen : [to Homer]  You're a fat idiot.

  Barney : Yeah lose some weight!

  [whole group voices their agreement] 

  Homer Simpson : Hell yeah I guess I could lose a few pounds. And I can be kinda thick sometimes! Hehehe.

  Principal Skinner : [sternly]  You've failed at everything you've ever tried.

  Homer Simpson : Whoa, you got my number on that one buddy. This is a smart group!

  Moe Szyslak : And your stink brings tears to my eyes!

  Homer Simpson : Now wait a minute Moe.

  [sniffs own armpit] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, my mistake.

• Homer Simpson : I always say a boy can learn at an airport than he can any school.

• Groundskeeper Willie : [Homer, Bart and Lisa are tied up in a dark room with only a small dim light on]  Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks, I promise you that.

  Ned Flanders : [coming through the door, turns on the big light]  Hey, I made some Rice Krispies Squares for our hungry deprogram-erinos.

  Groundskeeper Willie : Oh, man! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!

  Ned Flanders : Well, this is my rumpus room.

  Groundskeeper Willie : Don't call it that!

• Hare Krishna Guy : [to Bart and Homer]  Have you heard of Krishna Consciousness?

  Homer Simpson : This, Bart, is a crazy man!

• Homer Simpson : Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na leader... na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na leader. Leader, leader... batman, I mean - Leader!