The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Springfield Connection (1995)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson

Quotes 

• Lisa Simpson : Mom, I know your intentions are good but aren't the police the protective force that maintains the status quo for the wealthy elite? Don't you think we ought to attack the roots of social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?

  Marge : [pauses]  Look Lisa, it's McGriff, the Crime Dog!

  [uses a hand puppet] 

  Marge : Hey, Lisa, help me bite crime, ruff, ruff!

• Marge : [thinking]  Everywhere I look, someone is breaking the law. Dog, no leash. Man, littering. Horse, not wearing diaper. Car parked across three handicap spaces...

  [out loud] 

  Marge : Homer!

  Homer : Hey, Marge. How's my little piglet?

  Marge : Homer, I'm on duty.

  Homer : [chuckles]  That's OK, I'm supposed to be working, too.

  Marge : You have to move your car.

  Homer : I'll just be a second, Marge, I'm going to get some beer for those kids over there.

  [Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney all give the thumbs-up] 

  Marge : I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that, but you have to move your car, now.

  Homer : I'll be right back. Now keep your eyes peeled for a real cop.

  Marge : Oh, that's it! I'm going to write you a ticket.

  Homer : But Marge, we're family!

  Marge : You're breaking the law.

  Homer : I'll make you a deal: you rip up that ticket and I'll give you back your hat.

  [snatches it] 

  Marge : Hey!

  [Homer dances around, wearing her cap. As Marge grabs for it, a crowd assembles to watch] 

  Marge : Homer, taking an officer's cap is an arrestable offense.

  Homer : Ooh, what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do, huh? "Ooh, I'm officer Marge, I'm going to arrest you...!"

  [Marge snaps handcuffs on him] 

  Homer : Wha-what? Marge, not here! Hey... you're not really arresting me?

  Marge : [replacing her cap]  You have the right to remain silent.

  Homer : I choose to waive that right.

  [freaks out] 

  Homer : WAAAAAAAGGH! WAAH, WAAAAH!

• Marge : That's it! There's too much corruption in this force. I quit.

  [the other cops burst into laughter. The laughter dies down gradually] 

  Chief Wiggum : Sorry to lose you, Simpson.