The Simpsons (TV Series)
Itchy & Scratchy Land (1994)
Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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Lisa Simpson : Dad, remember when you said going to Itchy & Scratchy Land would be too damn expensive?
Homer : Oh, everything's too damn expensive nowadays. Look at this Bible I bought - fifteen bucks! And talking about a preachy book! Everyone's a sinner - except for this guy.
[points to a page in the book that presumably refers to Jesus]
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[Homer and Marge are sleeping. Suddenly, Lisa bursts in, pulling a toy wagon carrying a lifeless Bart]
Lisa Simpson : Mom, Dad! BART'S DEAD!
[they wake up and gasp]
Bart : [coming alive] That's right - dead serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!
[Homer and Marge groan]
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Bart : Mom, guess what!
Lisa Simpson : We're going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!
Marge : No. I've already planned our vacation for this year. We're going to the Highway 9 Bird Sanctuary. I understand they've installed a new bird feeder this year.
[Bart and Lisa stare, horrified]
Marge : It's shaped like a diner! And it's on this really tall pole.
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Homer : Okay, let's make a pact. This is gonna be the best vacation ever or we're all agreed to disband and join other families.
Marge , Bart , Lisa Simpson : Agreed.
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Marge : ...And remember, every morning give one bowl of Kibble to Santa's Little Helper. Do you want me to write any of this down?
Grampa Simpson : No! I ain't senile, dad blast it!
Marge : Okay, bye-bye!
Lisa Simpson : Bye, Grampa!
[the family drives off, leaving Grampa with Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II]
Grampa Simpson : Wait a minute! What was that last thing you said? 'Grampa's Little Helper'... what's that?
[meekly, to animals]
Grampa Simpson : Which one of you is the mailman?
[animals look awkwardly at each other]
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[Bart notices an actor in an Itchy costume capering and waving to guests]
Bart : So, Mr. Itchy, you think you're God's gift to women, do you?
Lisa Simpson : Don't do it, Bart.
[Bart pulls a stink bomb from his "Li'l Bastard Traveling Kit" and slingshots it straight into "Itchy"'s mouth]
Man in Itchy Costume : [choking in horror] I just wanted to entertain!
[Bart laughs as he runs away]
Bart : Can you believe I keep getting away with this...
[a uniformed man puts a hand on his shoulder]
Bart : uh, officer?
