The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart's Comet (1995)

Harry Shearer: Principal Skinner, Fighter Pilot #2, Radio DJ, Jasper, Reverand Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Judge, Ned Flanders, Dr. Hibbert, Otto

Quotes 

• Homer : Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it. I can't take this anymore. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you - especially his children. I'm going out there!

  [goes out, slams door behind him, then pops his head back in] 

  Homer : It was a baby ox.

  Moe : He's right, you know.

  Principal Skinner : [surprised]  About the ox?

  Moe : About everything, dammit! Hey Homer, wait up. I want to die too.

  Apu : If you are going, I am going.

  Barney Gumble : Me too!

  [everyone assents and leaves] 

• Principal Skinner : Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen!

• Lisa : It blew up the bridge! We're doomed!

  Homer : It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.

  Reverend Lovejoy : [running down the street, crazes]  It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer! AAAHHH!

• Principal Skinner : And now to find out who did this... Bart, empty your pockets!

  Bart : Empty my pockets, you say? Well, certainly, but I fail to see...

  Principal Skinner : [looking through the contents]  Blueprints of the dummy... notarized photos of you making the dummy... and an alternate wording for the banner, "Buttzilla."

• Kent Brockman : I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work.

• Principal Skinner : I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.

  Bart : And you've never found anything?

  Principal Skinner : Once, but by the time I got to a phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek. I got back at him, though. Him and that little boy of his.

• Bart : [about constellations]  Who names these things anyway?

  Principal Skinner : Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.

  Bart : And you've never found anything?

  Principal Skinner : Once... but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kohoutek...

  [a cloud covers the moon; ominous music plays] 

  Principal Skinner : I got back at him, though... him and that little *boy* of his.

  [cloud passes; music ends] 

  Principal Skinner : Anyway, that's why I always keep a cellular phone next to me.

• Kent Brockman : Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. Doesn't seem to matter now, so... the following people are gay.

  [a list flashes by hurriedly] 

  Marge Simpson : Turn it off!

  Homer : [copying down the list quickly]  Just a second...

• Principal Skinner : [noticing Bart with his cell phone]  What are you doing? Give me that phone!

  Woman at Observatory : Congratulations, Bart. You've just discovered a comet.

  Principal Skinner : [letting go of the weather balloon]  NOOO!

  Principal Skinner : [realizing the balloon just slipped from his grasp]  NOOOO!

  Principal Skinner : [a newspaper reads "Prez Sez School is For Losers"]  NOOOOO!

• Abe Simpson : Sounds like the doomsday whistle! Ain't been blown for nigh onto three years.

  Jasper : Tsk, tsk, tsk... trouble abrewing.