That '70s Show (TV Series)

The Crunge (2002)

Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso

Quotes 

• Michael Kelso : Pavlov was this scientist guy, you know, and every time this dog would ring a bell, Pavlov would eat.

• [Kelso is sitting on the basement couch, reading a book. Fez and Hyde enter from Hyde's room] 

  Steven Hyde : Kelso, what the hell are you doing with a book?

  Michael Kelso : Reading.

  [Hyde and Fez snicker] 

  Michael Kelso : I *am* reading, 'cause what good is having brains if you got nothing up here?

  [Kelso taps his skull. Jackie comes down the stairs] 

  Jackie Burkhart : Hey.

  [Jackie and Hyde kiss, then sit down] 

  Jackie Burkhart : So, I saw my Dad in prison today.

  Steven Hyde : Oh. How was it?

  Jackie Burkhart : Well, first it was a real downer. Then I realized that I'll be okay without my Dad because the SAT proved that there's another man who could take care of me.

  Steven Hyde : You'd better be talking about Santa Claus.

  Jackie Burkhart : No, Steven, I'm talking about you, because you have potential.

  Michael Kelso : He doesn't have potential! *I* have potential! Like, I'm reading "Moby Dick" and I'm not even halfway through, and I can already tell you the ending: the whale is a robot.

• Michael Kelso : If being smart isn't gonna help me with the chicks, I want no part of it! I'm gonna go back to coasting on my good looks. Plus, my brains'll always be there and if I need 'em, I'll just whip 'em out like an emergency rocket pack.

  Steven Hyde : [Smirking]  That's a good plan, man!

  Michael Kelso : [Scoffing]  Beats the hell outta reading!