House M.D. (TV Series)
Euphoria: Part 1 (2006)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Photos
Quotes
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[House is discussing a patient's status]
Dr. Gregory House : Tox screen was clean. He did, however, get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning.
Dr. Allison Cameron : He was shot?
Dr. Gregory House : No, somebody threw it at him.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I can't even imagine the backwards logic you used to rationalize shooting a corpse.
Dr. Gregory House : Well, if I'd shot a live person, there's a lot more paperwork.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : The chance of infection is next to nothing.
Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, I was never that great at math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?
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Dr. Eric Foreman : Police-issue Kevlar vests don't have the ceramic plating insert that would shatter a bullet. They would just catch it. So the bullet shattered on its own. Meaning Baby Shoes was using 38-caliber hollow-points which, unfortunately, are ferromagnetic.
Dr. Gregory House : It's just so cool that you know that.
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Dr. Robert Chase : You want to give Foreman a brain biopsy?
Dr. Gregory House : C'mon, really, who doesn't?
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Dr. Gregory House : How unprofessional was Foreman?
Dr. Eric Foreman : Ask him yourself. He's right here!
Dr. Allison Cameron : Worse than usual, better than you. He berated Joe for being a bad cop.
Dr. Gregory House : Berated or humilliated?
Dr. Allison Cameron : I'm not sure. I didn't have my thesaurus with me.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Foreman] If you're not sick, it's not contagious and you've got nothing to worry about. If you are sick, the two of you are staying in here until we find out why so you might want to make friends with the pig.
[Foreman laughs]
Dr. Gregory House : Good news is I can finally get my MRI.
Dr. Eric Foreman : [still laughing] No, you can't! You blew up the machine!
Dr. Gregory House : Not the portable one, Chuckles.
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Dr. Eric Foreman : According to Baby Shoes, the cop was laughing before he got shot.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Baby Shoes?
Dr. Eric Foreman : The guy who shot him.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Reliable witness.
Dr. Gregory House : His name's Baby Shoes. How bad can he be?
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Dr. Robert Chase : [to House] What are you looking for?
Dr. Gregory House : I called my mom. She didn't pick up.
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Dr. Robert Chase : [after House breaks the MRI machine] They have to, uh... shut down the magnet to fix it. MRI's gonna be out of commission for at least two weeks.
[Foreman giggles and Chase sighs]
Dr. Gregory House : Well, it doesn't matter. We obviously can't use it on this patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron : No, but there are other doctors in this hospital and other patients.
Dr. Gregory House : That helps explain how they can afford all the fancy equipment. I'm sure not pulling my weight.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [explaining why she thinks Foreman should be off the case] He doesn't like cops.
Dr. Gregory House : Foreman, policemen are our friends. If you and I ever get separated shopping...
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Dr. James Wilson : [to House] You're being cautious. You're being... common. When you don't give a crap...
Dr. Gregory House : [interrupts] How many of your guys have caught cancer from their patients? Let me know when that happens. Then we can have this conversation.
Dr. James Wilson : It's just another case, huh?
Dr. Gregory House : I'll bet you can even have unprotected sex with your cancer patients without catching a damn thing. Boy, I wish I had your job.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [to House] I decided you were wrong.
Dr. Gregory House : God, you're weak. Guy steals your article, tells you you're not his friend. You still wanna risk your life for him.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Foreman broke my skin with a tainted needle.
Dr. Gregory House : Wow.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Yeah.
Dr. Gregory House : God, you're weak.
[Cameron rolls her eyes]
Dr. Gregory House : Guy tried to kill you. First thing on my list of things do would be to stab him back. Shoot him. I've got a gun in my desk. Last thing on my list would be to lie to my boss about it and give the bastard everything he wanted.
Dr. Allison Cameron : I'm not here for Foreman. I'm here to save myself.
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Dr. Gregory House : [after the cop suddenly goes blind] Bullet fragments just happened to hit the same spot in both lobes? Stroke could cause Anton's blindness and euphoria. Officer Krupke is clotting in his brain. Start heparin to thin the blood. Find the clot and yank it out.
Dr. Eric Foreman : The clot would be at the top of the bilateral vertebral arteries.
Dr. Gregory House : Great! Chase, stick your fingers in there and grope around until you find it. Oh, wait! When you turn him into a vegetable, then there's gonna be frivolous lawsuits.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [about Foreman] He should be a part of this.
Dr. Gregory House : He's a patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron : He's not irrational...
Dr. Gregory House : He's not objective.
Dr. Allison Cameron : He's got the most motivation to get this diagnosed.
Dr. Gregory House : Right. You're not even friends with him. Why would you care?
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Dr. Gregory House : We should get a sample directly from Joe's brain.
Dr. Allison Cameron : We can't do a biopsy. There's too much edema from the bleeding because you gave him heparin.
Dr. Gregory House : Well, I don't think that this is the time to be pointing fingers.
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Dr. Eric Foreman : [after Foreman is placed in an isolation room] I'm not sick!
Dr. Gregory House : Did you hear the one about the guy who bled into his brain and had to have a hole drilled into his skull to relieve the pressure? Hilarious.
Dr. Eric Foreman : Someone laughs, they're dying? That's absurd.