- [Homer collapses in Mr. Burns' office. His spirit begins to rise up from his body]
- Smithers: Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.
- Mr. Burns: Oh, dear. Send a ham to his widow.
- Homer Simpson: Mmm... ham.
- [Homer's spirit returns to his body]
- Smithers: No, wait - he's alive!
- Mr. Burns: Oh, good. Cancel the ham!
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- Dr. Julius Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
- Homer Simpson: Say it in English, Doc!
- Dr. Julius Hibbert: You're going to need open-heart surgery.
- Homer Simpson: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo!
- Dr. Julius Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
- Homer Simpson: Could you dumb it down a shade?
- [while operating on Homer]
- Dr. Nick: [singing to the tune of "Dem Bones"] The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.
- Mr. Burns: [watching Homer eat donuts on his CCTV] Look at that pig, stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right... keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poisoned donut!
- [chuckles]
- Mr. Burns: There is a poisoned one, isn't there, Smithers?
- Smithers: Er... no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers; they consider it murder.
- Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!
- [noticing that Homer has fallen asleep at his station]
- Mr. Burns: Bring him to me!
- Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
- Kwik-E-Mart Customer: Gimmie some jerky.
- Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
- Kwik-E-Mart Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure!
- Mr. Burns: Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
- Homer Simpson: Whew...
- Mr. Burns: ...and goodbye! You're fired!
- [Homer gags, his heart pounds]
- Mr. Burns: But wait - perhaps I'm being too hasty. You are highly skilled...
- [Homer calms down]
- Mr. Burns: ...at goofing off!
- [Homer's heart pounds again]
- Mr. Burns: Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really dig...
- [Homer's heart slows down again]
- Mr. Burns: ... a grave for!
- [Homer's heart beats even faster]
- Mr. Burns: Your indolence is inefficacious!
- [Homer stares blankly; heart beats normally]
- Mr. Burns: THAT MEANS YOU'RE TERRIBLE!
- [Homer collapses]
- Mr. McGreg: Dr. Nick Riviera. Remember me?
- Dr. Nick: Why, if it isn't my old friend, Mr. McGreg. With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.
- Lisa Simpson: [in Sunday School] My dad is very sick. What's going to happen if he dies?
- Sunday School Teacher: Well, if he's been good, he'll go to Heaven.
- [writes "Heaven" on the board]
- Sunday School Teacher: In Heaven, you get to do whatever you like best, all the time.
- [Lisa imagines Homer as an angel in heaven, lying on a cloud]
- Homer Simpson: Cloud goes up, cloud goes down, cloud goes up, cloud goes down...
- [cut to Homer's hospital room]
- Homer Simpson: Bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down...
- Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, ah, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
- Homer: I can't wait 'til they throw his hatless butt in jail.
- Marge: Can't you do something for him?
- Dr. Hibbert: Well, we can't fix his heart, but we can tell you exactly how damaged it is.
- Homer: What an age we live in.