Daria (TV Series)

Jake of Hearts (1999)

Wendy Hoopes: Jane Lane, Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer

Quotes 

• Radio DJ on Loudspeaker : Hey everyone, are you ready to rave?

  Jane : What the hell was that? An Ice Cream Truck?

  Daria : If it is, it better be some damn good Ice Cream.

• [In the Lawndale H.S. parking lot] 

  Bing(Radio DJ) : [in ref. to Upchuck]  Okay, Charles. The first girl out here in our audience to agree to a date with you is going to get a free "Mental In The Morning" bumper sticker.

  Spatula Man(Radio DJ's Partner) : What do you say, ladies?

  [Crowd of girls boo and go "eew"] 

  Jane : A date for a bumper sticker?

  Jodie : Even Upchuck doesn't deserve this much humiliation.

  Daria : Imagine how the bumper sticker must feel.

• [Quinn is practising to be a surgeon by playing Operation] 

  Quinn : Darn it! I thought this surgery thing would be a lot easier.

  Daria : Don't worry. When you operate on real people, their noses don't light up.

• Daria : Between Dad and the party van, life's become a living hell at home and at school.

  Jane : Don't worry, the van will move on soon. Or be destroyed in a mysterious bombing, I have decided yet.

  Daria : There's no place left for me to hide.

  Jane : Well, you could always dive into a wooded thicket.

  [Daria stares at her] 

  Jane : Hey, it works for bunnies.

• Jane : So Grandma Morgendorffer just left?

  Daria : She realized she was causing more harm than good.

  Jane : Did you help her in her realization?

  Daria : I may have had a hand in her epiphany.

  Jane : I hope you washed it thoroughly.

• Jane : Why Daria, are you becoming an optimist?

  Daria : Hmmm, I dunno. Hold up your glass.

  [she does] 

  Daria : Nope, still half empty.

• Ms. Angela Li : Whoo-hoo!

  [Daria and Jane shriek] 

  Ms. Angela Li : This is so exciting! Imagine, real-life celebrities broadcasting all week live from Lawndale High.

  Daria : They're not celebrities.

  Jane : They're deejays.

  Ms. Angela Li : Wacky deejays! And their hilarious antics will soon silence those naysayers who would have us believe that Lawndale High is a place of gloom.

  Jane : Of course, getting rid of the hidden cameras and the bomb-sniffing dogs would accomplish the same goal.

  Ms. Angela Li : You girls should be thanking me for caring so much about student morale.

  Daria : I don't suppose the school would be receiving a large fee from the radio station for participating in this stunt?

  Ms. Angela Li : Ms. Morgendorffer, those bomb-sniffing dogs have to eat!

  [Exits] 

• Quinn : [Daria walks in on Quinn reading a book on heart surgery]  Ugh! This is SO frustrating! Daria, have you ever read this book?

  Daria : "Thrombocytopenic Complications After Stent Placement Post-Coronary Artery Angioplasty." Maybe you should start off with something easier; many coloring books feature hearts - and rainbows.

• [after Jake's heart attack] 

  Daria Morgendorffer : So, my grandmother Ruth will be staying with us while my dad recovers.

  Jane : Is this the grandmother who said she'd give you 100 bucks if you changed your hair?

  Daria Morgendorffer : Both my grandmothers said that.