Daria (TV Series)
Jake of Hearts (1999)
Tracy Grandstaff: Daria Morgendorffer
Photos
Quotes
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Daria : [phone rings] Hello? No Quinn is busy right now studying... stu-dy-ing... no this isn't a prank call, you called *me*.
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[In the Lawndale H.S. parking lot]
Bing(Radio DJ) : [in ref. to Upchuck] Okay, Charles. The first girl out here in our audience to agree to a date with you is going to get a free "Mental In The Morning" bumper sticker.
Spatula Man(Radio DJ's Partner) : What do you say, ladies?
[Crowd of girls boo and go "eew"]
Jane : A date for a bumper sticker?
Jodie : Even Upchuck doesn't deserve this much humiliation.
Daria : Imagine how the bumper sticker must feel.
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Daria : Between Dad and the party van, life's become a living hell at home and at school.
Jane : Don't worry, the van will move on soon. Or be destroyed in a mysterious bombing, I have decided yet.
Daria : There's no place left for me to hide.
Jane : Well, you could always dive into a wooded thicket.
[Daria stares at her]
Jane : Hey, it works for bunnies.
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Ms. Angela Li : Whoo-hoo!
[Daria and Jane shriek]
Ms. Angela Li : This is so exciting! Imagine, real-life celebrities broadcasting all week live from Lawndale High.
Daria : They're not celebrities.
Jane : They're deejays.
Ms. Angela Li : Wacky deejays! And their hilarious antics will soon silence those naysayers who would have us believe that Lawndale High is a place of gloom.
Jane : Of course, getting rid of the hidden cameras and the bomb-sniffing dogs would accomplish the same goal.
Ms. Angela Li : You girls should be thanking me for caring so much about student morale.
Daria : I don't suppose the school would be receiving a large fee from the radio station for participating in this stunt?
Ms. Angela Li : Ms. Morgendorffer, those bomb-sniffing dogs have to eat!
[Exits]
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Quinn : [Daria walks in on Quinn reading a book on heart surgery] Ugh! This is SO frustrating! Daria, have you ever read this book?
Daria : "Thrombocytopenic Complications After Stent Placement Post-Coronary Artery Angioplasty." Maybe you should start off with something easier; many coloring books feature hearts - and rainbows.
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Daria Morgendorffer : A few days ago, my father had a heart attack, forcing me to admit his mortality to myself for the first time. Accepting this grim new knowledge has been especially difficult as I've been under constant yammering assault by two utterly brainless and talentless so-called radio personalities. And so, for these reasons, I, Daria Morgendorfer, am mental in the morning.
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[after Jake's heart attack]
Daria Morgendorffer : So, my grandmother Ruth will be staying with us while my dad recovers.
Jane : Is this the grandmother who said she'd give you 100 bucks if you changed your hair?
Daria Morgendorffer : Both my grandmothers said that.