- Principal Skinner: I've just received some rather unusual news regarding your unprecedented A-triple-plus. To be honest, I'm surprised and saddened. Eh, no, not saddened. What's the word? Ah, yes, delighted!
- Lisa Simpson: What?
- Principal Skinner: I'm delighted to report that your grade brought the entire school's GPA up to our state's minimum standard. We now qualify for a basic assistance grant. It's the greatest honor the school has ever received, and it's all thanks to you. Your devotion to scholarship is a shining beacon to all who...
- Lisa Simpson: Stop it! I cheated! Cheated! Cheated! Cheated! Chated! Cheated!
- Principal Skinner: Lisa, what are you trying to say?
- Lisa Simpson: I cheated!
- Principal Skinner: Okay, everybody. Let's have a round of applause for the real State Comptroller.
- [Comptroller Atkins looks back confused and is quickly ushered out by Chalmers]
- Superintendent Chalmers: [under his breath] Idiot.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. You got the highest grade in the class!
- Lisa Simpson: But, Mom...
- Marge Simpson: The highest grade!
- State Comptroller Atkins: This grant ensures a light bulb in every classroom, and a high-definition TV for the teachers lounge.
- Marge Simpson: [to Lisa] Why don't you play with one of Bart's video games? Hugh Downs says they're the latest craze!
- Bart Simpson: I'm starving. Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?
- Marge Simpson: No! No one's going Catholic! Three children is enough, thank you.