- Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
- Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
- Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
- Homer: Okay, I will.
- Marge Simpson: Well, we're going to the beauty parlor. Maybe you should do something with the kids while I'm gone.
- Homer: Oh, sure, great idea - I'd love to!
- [looks down to see Lisa after Marge has shut the front door]
- Homer: D'oh! Did you hear that?
- Lisa Simpson: Yes.
- Homer: How much?
- Lisa Simpson: Everything.
- Homer: What the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
- Lisa Simpson: Ahhh, take us to the video store?
- Homer: Anything for my little girl.
- Troy McClure: I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV series as "Buck Henderson, Union Buster" and "Troy and Company's Summertime Smile Factory". But I'm here to tell you about "Spiffy", the 21st century stain remover. Let's meet the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera.
- Dr Nick: Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody.
- Crowd: Hi, Dr. Nick.
- Bart Simpson: Dad, I love you, but you taught me to win.
- Homer: When did I ever teach you that?
- Bart Simpson: Well, I picked it up somewhere.
- Marge Simpson: This is from the National Fatherhood Institute. It evaluates you'r knowledge of your son and rates you as a father.
- Homer: Oh, Marge.
- [annoyed]
- Marge Simpson: Question one: Name one of your child's friends.
- Homer: Ah, let's see, Bart's friends... ah, well, there's the fat kid with the thing. Ehhh, the little wiener whos always got his hands in his pockets.
- Marge Simpson: They want a name, Homer, not a vague description.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Hey, Bart, I think they're finally hauling your dad away.
- Bart Simpson: Maybe it's for the best.