South Park (TV Series)

Red Sleigh Down (2002)

Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Jimbo Kern, Underpants Gnome, Iraqi Torturer, Jesus

Quotes 

• [they've boarded Santa's spare sleigh] 

  Kyle : How do we start this thing?

  Gnome : You just have to call out the reindeer's name.

  Cartman : Oh yeah. On Dasher. On Prancer. On Comet...

  Gnome : No, no, they're all dead. You have to call out the new ones. On Steven, on Fluffy, on Horace and Chantel, on Skippy, and Rainbow and Patches and Montel.

• [Jesus leads the boys on the way to the exit with Santa Claus, then stops at the foot of the stairway and turns around] 

  Jesus : [shouts]  Get up the stairs! The sleigh is on the roof!

  [an Iraqi soldier comes down the stairs behind him] 

  Kyle : [shouts]  Jesus, behind you!

  [Jesus looks at the boys, and gets shot in the back] 

  Kyle , Stan , Cartman : [slow motion, in shock]  Jesus!

  [in slow motion, Jesus wobbles a bit and falls to the floor] 

  Santa Claus : [in slow motion shock]  No!

  [he shoots the soldier dead, then runs up to Jesus and holds him in his arms as the motion returns to normal] 

  Santa Claus : Jesus! Jesus!

  [Jesus stammers a bit, but nothing comes out of his mouth] 

  Santa Claus : No... don't worry, Jesus, it's nothing. It's just a scratch.

  Jesus : [groaning]  You're a... bad liar.

  [the boys are speechless] 

  Jesus : [continues groaning]  Yea. But we sure gave them one hell of a fight, huh?

  Santa Claus : We sure did, Jesus.

  Stan : [finding his voice]  Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.

  Jesus : [groans]  Santa?

  Santa Claus : [quickly answers]  I'm here, Jesus.

  Jesus : [voice turns to a whisper]  Don't... don't ever... let them take away... our... Christmas spirit.

  [he dies, and his halo vanishes from sight] 

  Stan : Oh my God. The Iraqis killed Jesus.

  Kyle : You bastards.