- [after Homer drove the van into a tree]
- Arnie Pie: He's jumping out of the car, Kent. He's trying to climb over the fence. He's realizing he's too fat. He's digging a hole like a dog! Now he's giving up on that and he's running back and forth. He's climbing into a pipe and he appears to be stuck. His legs are dangling in a comical fashion. Oh, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen!
- Kent Brockman: Arnie, how are the *children*?
- Arnie Pie: [irritated] I can't see through *metal*, Kent.
- Chief Wiggum: [catching Homer in the act] All right, Fatty. Out of the pipe!
- Ned Flanders: I'm going to a Christian rock concert.
- [holds up two tickets reading "Chris Rock in Concert"]
- Ned Flanders: It's gonna be one wholesome evening!
- Ralph Wiggum: Where are we going, Mr. Simpson?
- Homer: I'll tell you where we're NOT going: jail!
- Milhouse: Then you'd better turn.
- Homer: Uh-oh! Aaah!
- [Homer realises that he's driving to jail, screams and turns]
- Bill Cosby: [On "Kids Say the Darnedest Things"] Now my good man, what do you like to play?
- Kid: Pokémon!
- Bill Cosby: Pokémon? Boogieman with the pokey and the man and the eight with the guy comes out and there's a thing,
- [puts down his mic and walks away from his stool]
- Bill Cosby: and he barks the frr out of that...
- [starts sounding nonsensical with his hands near his ears]
- [an African American man dressed like a Gangsta rapper stops Bart in the hallway]
- Man: Hey, this class is aces. You go from 'slopper' to 'proper' like.
- Bart: Cool.
- [Rushes into the room where an old lady is teaching an etiquette class]
- Old Lady: The proper gentlemen...
- Bart: Etiquette class? But the guy outside said...
- Old Lady: Are you accusing my husband of *misleading* you? Good gracious. I should bust a cap in your ass.
- Kent Brockman: [reporting Homer's ensuing kidnapping of the day care kids] An award ceremony erupted in kidnapping tonight... as alleged good guy Homer Simpson absconded with several children... in a stolen paddy wagon. Now let's go to Arnie Pie in the Sky.
- Arnie Pie: [from his helicopter] I can see them right below me. I'm gonna try to nail the driver with one of my shoes.
- Kent Brockman: Arnie, please leave this to the police.
- Arnie Pie: [selfishly oblivious] I'm sick of being a reporter. I want to make the news!
- Kent Brockman: Arnie, this is not the time!
- Arnie Pie: [still competitive] *You're* not the time, Kent! *You're* not the time!
- Ralph Wiggum: [as Homer is loading him and the other kids in the van nearby] Where are we going?
- Homer: Uh, for frosty chocolate milk shakes!
- [Insane Laugh]
- Homer: Frosty chocolate milk shakes!