Gilmore Girls (TV Series)

The Real Paul Anka (2006)

Lauren Graham: Lorelai Gilmore

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Quotes 

• Rory Gilmore : Check your hands.

  Lorelai Gilmore : No cream puffs.

  Rory Gilmore : I think you're good to start your day.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Thanks, hon.

  Rory Gilmore : Anytime.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Bye.

  [Hangs up the phone and looks at dog Paul Anka] 

• Rory Gilmore : [Picking up her phone]  Hey, you.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Okay, so weird dream. Weird, weird dream.

  Rory Gilmore : Weirder than the one where you step into a boxing ring and your hands are suddenly giant cream puffs?

  Lorelai Gilmore : Weirder, scarier.

  Rory Gilmore : Let's hear it.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Well I was home, and I was finishing up my usual morning routine you know, coffee, shower. And then - picture this, very weird - I take Paul Anka for a walk.

  Rory Gilmore : You walk Paul Anka every day. What's weird about that?

  Lorelai Gilmore : Not the dog Paul Anka. The real Paul Anka.

  Rory Gilmore : Whoa.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Yeah.

  Rory Gilmore : Was he nice?

  Lorelai Gilmore : [We see all this as Lorelai describes it]  Very pleasant, natty dresser. Then suddenly, he sees something, a cat or something, and darts right into the middle of the street.

  Rory Gilmore : The real Paul Anka?

  Lorelai Gilmore : The dog Paul Anka. So I call him and call him, but he completely ignores me and runs right into Doose's Market.

  Rory Gilmore : You didn't train him well enough. Too much affection, not enough discipline.

  Lorelai Gilmore : I go after him into Doose's, and apparently he's got a job there.

  Rory Gilmore : The dog Paul Anka?

  Lorelai Gilmore : The real Paul Anka.

  Paul Anka : [Bagging some groceries]  You picked yourself some beautiful cucumbers, Mrs. Clancey. You have the cucumber eye.

  Lorelai Gilmore : So I run out of Doose's, and I'm approaching Luke's apartment, I guess to get help or something, and I'm walking to the door, and I open it, and there's Paul Anka in front of a microphone giving a little concert.

  Rory Gilmore : The real Paul Anka.

  Lorelai Gilmore : The dog Paul Anka.

  Rory Gilmore : Couldn't have been happy, you interrupting his show like that.

  Lorelai Gilmore : He didn't notice, so I go down to the diner, and there, lo and behold, is Paul Anka sitting on Babette's lap.

  Rory Gilmore : Please don't tell me it was...

  Lorelai Gilmore : The real Paul Anka.

  Babette Dell : [stroking Paul Anka]  Good boy. Who's a good boy?

  Rory Gilmore : This is crazy.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Coming to the end. So the real Paul Anka looks outside, and there, sitting in the middle of the street staring at him is dog Paul Anka.

  Rory Gilmore : Uh oh!

  Lorelai Gilmore : So real Paul Anka gets up and runs out of Luke's. They're both in the street now, real Paul Anka walking toward dog Paul Anka, dog Paul Anka toward real Paul Anka. You can sense that something very bad is about to happen, when suddenly they meet in the middle of the street, and bam! An otherworldly white light engulfs the whole town, and there's a loud explosion and two barks, and everything goes dark.

  Rory Gilmore : And?

  Lorelai Gilmore : And then I woke up.

  Rory Gilmore : Wow.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Yeah.

  Rory Gilmore : Okay.

  Lorelai Gilmore : So I guess I was wondering if you'd heard anything about a small Connecticut town being sucked up into an evil demon vortex or cast into the fourth dimension or anything.

  Rory Gilmore : Nope.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Real Paul Anka still kicking?

  Rory Gilmore : Haven't heard otherwise.

• Kirk Gleason : Do you happen to be in the market for a house? Because this one's a honey.

  Lorelai Gilmore : Something in the corner just moved.

  Kirk Gleason : Just a rat, I'd I have told you about them before you bought the place. The law also requires me to inform you that the house has toxic mold, asbestos, methane gas, buckling floors, a crumbling foundation, visible fungus, a collapsed fireplace, ceiling damage, water damage, was the site of a recent Wicca convention and a particularly grisly murder/suicide. Nothing we can't work with.