Daria (TV Series)

Road Worrier (1997)

Wendy Hoopes: Jane Lane, Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer

Quotes 

• Helen : [Quinn, at the dinner table, is showing her temporary tattoo]  Quinn, what is that thing on your arm?

  Quinn : Don't worry, mom! It's fake.

  Daria : Aww, you got a tattoo to match your personality.

• Trent : [Daria. returning from peeing in the bushes. climbs into the van and sits]  Cool, Daria?

  Daria : Yeah. I'm ready for my abuse, Mr. DeMille.

  Trent : [cars begin slowly moving]  Hey, looks like the traffic is letting up.

  Daria : [to Jane]  They're... not going to make fun of me?

  Jane : For peeing in the woods? They're in a band, Daria. Those boys puke on each other on a regular basis.

  Jesse Moreno : [to Trent]  That reminds me, you owe me a shirt.

• Quinn : Can I have 29.95 for a removable nose ring? No piercing required!

  Daria : Good idea. You don't need any more holes in your head.

• Helen : Your father went to one of the most famous festivals of the decade.

  Quinn : Woodstock?

  Jake Morgendorffer : Altamont! Terrible tragedy, but I demanded my money back and I got it.

  Daria : Wasn't Altamont free?

  Jake Morgendorffer : That's the same line they tried to use on me.

• Daria : Can you rig that glue gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.

  Jane : Well, you're not your usually sunny self.

  Daria : I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...

  Jane : And all in front of Trent.

  Daria : Now turn the knife counterclockwise. I can't go back out there. You go on to Alternapalooza; tomorrow, I'll emerge and begin my new life as a waitress.

  Jane : Daria, if there's one thing I know about my brother is that he's oblivious. There's no need to be self-conscious.

  Daria : [sighs]  Okay.

  Jane : Now what are you gonna do about that stain on your butt?

  [Daria glares at Jane] 

  Jane : Kidding! It looks alternative.

• Jane : Why do I get so much fun out of this?

  Daria : Past life as a barnacle.

• Quinn : Hey, Mom, did you go to any festivals back in the sixties?

  Helen : Oh, sure. I did my share of partying.

  Daria : You mean you experimented with...

  Helen : No!

• [Daria and Jane are listening to Trent play in the basement] 

  Daria : Isn't that two guitars?

  Jane : Yeah. The other one's Jesse. He plays rhythm in Mystik Spiral.

  Daria : Mystik Spiral?

  Jane : Trent's band.

  Daria : Sounds like one of those Doors cover bands that play brew pubs.

  Jane : Heh, they wish!

• Jesse Moreno : Oh, man. That was Curtis Stalano.

  Jane : Who?

  Trent : He graduated with us. Now he's working in a toll booth. Whoa.

  Jesse Moreno : You'd never catch me at a job like that.

  Daria : [Thinking to herself]  Because it falls under the category of employment.

  Trent : Hey man, we're artists. Who knows where we'll be in five years.

  Daria : [Thinking to herself]  Still living over your parents' garage?

  Jane : [Loudly whispering]  Say it, Daria. Whatever you're thinking, say it. If you don't, they'll go on like this for hours.

  Jesse Moreno : We've got a vision.

  Trent : Eyes on the prize, man. Eyes on the prize.

  Jesse Moreno : Yeah, and this guy's not about selling out.

  Trent : No way.

  Jane : 'Cause for that to happen, you'd need someone interested in buying.

  [pause] 

  Jane : Well someone had to pick up the slack!

• Daria Morgendorffer : Can you rig that glue-gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.

  Jane Lane : Well, you're not your usual sunny self.

  Daria Morgendorffer : I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...

  Jane Lane : And all in front of Trent.

  Daria Morgendorffer : ...Now turn the knife counterclockwise. I can't go back out there; you go on to Alternapalooza. Tomorrow, I'll emerge and begin my new life as a waitress.