Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

Getting Even (1998)

Ray Romano: Ray Barone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ray Barone : Anything my wife touches falls off. You can imagine how scared I am.

• Ray Barone : Come on, what do you - don't be such a bad sport.

  Debra Barone : What if you were me? What would you do?

  Ray Barone : I would laugh at all my husband's jokes, strip off my clothes, have my way with him and then put on TV.

  Debra Barone : Keep dreaming.

  Ray Barone : I would - I'd be so naughty. I might even talk dirty, oh!

• Ray Barone : Listen, we're here for the kids because, uh, they're the future and they deserve - they deserve a new playground, really. So that they can slide and swing upside down and break their necks.

• Ray Barone : Who's gonna bid twenty dollars for this fine piece of craftsmanship, finely crafted by a fine craftsman who I happen to sleep with?

• Ray Barone : I know, you're mad at the jokes.

  Debra Barone : You just - you just couldn't stop, could you, Ray?

  Ray Barone : I was killing them, it was great. That box falling apart, that was the best thing that could've happened. That broke the ice.

  Debra Barone : You embarrassed me.

  Ray Barone : What? No! It was all fun. Come on, I told you, people thought that we did it on purpose.

  Debra Barone : I felt humiliated.

  Ray Barone : Don't feel humiliated.

  Debra Barone : Don't tell me how to feel.

  Ray Barone : But you're wrong.

  Debra Barone : There's no right or wrong, this is how I feel. You can not tell me not be humiliated, I just am.

  Ray Barone : Okay, all right, feel humiliated.

  Debra Barone : I don't anymore.

  Ray Barone : Okay, all right...

  Debra Barone : Now I'm just angry. I mean I can't believe - I can't believe you - It's bad enough what you did to me tonight, but you don't even care how I feel about it. All you care about is how well you did, you laugh-whore

  Ray Barone : Maybe you should... go back to being humiliated.

• Ray Barone : Now, give Gumby some Pokey

  [He kisses Debra who does not kiss him back] 

  Ray Barone : Whoa! I don't want to say that was cold, but if your mouth opened, a little light would come on.

• Ray Barone : I know how your mind works.

  Debra Barone : You don't even know how *your* mind works.

• Ray Barone : She's not gonna get you.

  Ray Barone : How do you know?

  Robert Barone : Cause I said, "Are you gonna get Raymond?" She said, "no." Case closed.

  Ray Barone : That's it?

  Robert Barone : Oh, yeah. And she also said the twins aren't yours.

  Ray Barone : Come on. Come on. Yeah. Really, what's going on?

  Robert Barone : Raymond, I know when people are up to something. I can smell it.

  Ray Barone : And she smells all right?

  Robert Barone : She smells very good.