South Park (TV Series)

The Death of Eric Cartman (2005)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Delivery Man #3, Jimmy Valmer, Clyde, Man in Street, Stephen Stotch, Doctor, Tom the News Reader, News Reporter, Man in Crowd, Sergeant Yates, Murderer #1, Murderer #2, Policeman #2

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cartman : Well, it's all done. My soul is at peace. I think I can go now.

  Butters : So I won't see you again?

  Cartman : Don't be sad butters. What awaits each person in heaven is eternal bliss, divine rest, and ten thousand dollars in cash.

• Butters : Preacher says that sometimes before your soul can be at peace, you have to atone for something bad you did.

  Cartman : Atone?

  Butters : Did you ever do anything really bad?

  Cartman : Not really...

  Cartman : [rubbing his chin thinking; next scene he's with Butters as Butters is writing down a long list of things Cartman is rambling off] 

  Cartman : Let's see... oh, and I broke Mr. Anderson's fence and I never told him about it.

  Butters : Broke fence...

  Butters : [writing] 

  Cartman : I took a crap in the principal's purse. Seven times. Then there was the time I convinced a woman to have an abortion so I could build my own Shakey's Pizza. I pretended to be retarded and joined the Special Olympics. Tried to have all of the Jews exterminated last Spring. Ahhh, oh, yeah - there's this one kid whose parents I had killed and made into chili which I then fed to the kid.

  Butters : Boy, oh boy, Eric, you got a lot to atone for.

• Stephen Stotch : There's no reason to be afraid of things that aren't real; there's plenty of real things to be scared of. Like super AIDs.

  Butters : Ah, s-super AIDs?

  Stephen Stotch : That's right. A new form of AIDs that is resistant to drugs. Just one tea spoon of super AIDs in your butt and you're dead in three years.

  Butters : Agh! Oh, Jesus!

  Stephen Stotch : So, now you feel better? Ghosts don't exist, and there's nothing to be afraid of. Except for super AIDs.

• Cartman : For some reason, my spirit is trapped here on Earth. I can't find the passage to heaven.

  Butters : Well, how do you know you're supposed to go to heaven?

  Cartman : What do you mean?

  Butters : Well, how do you know you're not supposed to go to, you know, heck.

  Cartman : I'm not going to heck, Butters! I'm not black, alright!

• Doctor : [while Butters is being anally probed by a machine at the South Park Institute for Mental Health]  Don't worry, Mr. Stotch. Whatever traumatized your son in his past, we'll find it.