The Simpsons (TV Series)

HOMR (2001)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Homer : Lisa, why didn't you warn me? Being a brain has alienated me from all my friends.

  Lisa : Dad, as intelligence goes up, happiness often goes down. In fact I made a graph...

  [wistfully] 

  Lisa : I make a lot of graphs...

• Lisa Simpson : [learning Homer re-inserted a crayon into his brain]  Dad, how could you? We were connecting in such a meaningful way.

  Homer Simpson : We were what what in the what what?

• Marge : Oh, Homer, where have you been?

  Homer : I just underwent a procedure to increase my IQ 50 points.

  Marge : Really?

  Homer : And they gave me this spiffy nerd ensemble, too.

  Marge : Do you feel smarter?

  Homer : Is the capital of North Dakota Bismarck?

  Lisa : [the family all looks to her]  It is.

  Bart Simpson : I don't believe it. Say something else smart.

  Homer : Dr. Joyce Brothers may be well-known, but her psychological credentials are highly suspect.

  Lisa : [the family all looks to her again]  It's true!

  Homer : Now, who's up for a trip to the library tomorrow? Notice I no longer say "liberry" or "tomorry".

• Lisa : Dad, did you read all these books today?

  Homer : Everything from "Hop on Pop" to "Death Be Not Proud".

  [sadly] 

  Homer : It's so tragic the way they hopped on Pop.

• Homer : Family meeting. Family meeting.

  [the rest of the family runs into the dining room and quickly takes their seats] 

  Homer : Okay, people, let's keep this short. We all want to get home to our families.

  [all laugh] 

  Homer : All right, first item: I lost our life savings in the stock market. Now, let's move on to the real issue: Lisa's hogging of the maple syrup.

  Lisa : Well, maybe if Mom didn't make such dry waffles. There, I said it.

  Marge : Well, maybe if you ate some meat, you'd have a natural lubricant.

  [gasps and turns to Homer] 

  Marge : You lost all our money?

  Homer : Point of order - I didn't lose ALL the money. There was enough left for this cowbell.

  [rings it softly and the bell breaks apart in his hands] 

  Homer : Damn you, eBay!

• Lisa : [reading a note from Homer]  "Lisa, I'm taking the coward's way out. But before I do, I just want you to know being smart made me appreciate how amazing you really are."