The Simpsons (TV Series)
HOMR (2001)
Harry Shearer: Mr. Burns, Ned, Director, Announcer, Scratchy, Louie, Lenny, Teller, Kent Brockman, Hibbert, Skinner
Quotes
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[at a Julia Roberts movie parody]
Homer : That wasn't funny.
Patty Bouvier : Wait a minute! Somebody's not laughing! It's him!
Homer : Hey, don't blame me! This movie is tired and predictable! You know she's gonna wind up marrying Richard Gere!
[all gasp]
Dr. Hibbert : I thought she'd wind up with that rich snob.
Sea Captain : Ably played by Bill Paxton.
Homer : It's Bill Pullman, you fool!
[gets thrown out]
Movie Usher : Go point out your plot holes elsewhere!
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Homer : Hey, Flanders, heading for church? Well, I thought I could save you a little time.
Ned : Ooh, found a new shortcut?
Homer : Better. I was working on a flat tax proposal, and I accidentally proved there's no God.
Ned : We'll just see about that.
[giving it a once-over]
Ned : Uh-oh. Well, maybe he made a mistake. Nope, it's airtight. Can't let this little doozy get out.
[as he burns it, he sees Homer putting similar flyers on car windshields]
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Homer : [his friends are burning him in effigy] So, you all hate me?
Lenny : That's right, brainiac. You cost us our jobs, which we need for working.
Carl : Not to mention driving to.
Moe Szyslak : And I was a lot happier before I knew Dame Edna was a man. A *lot* happier.
Lenny : You ain't welcome here no more, smart boy.
Homer : Hmm. I'm detecting a distinct strain of anti-intellectualism in this tavern...
[a wood plank hits him on the back of the head]
Homer : Ahh!
Moe Szyslak : Power off, Einstein.
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Homer : I'd like to withdraw my life savings, please. And hurry!
Teller : Uh, sir, this is a joint account. Uh, you'll need your wife's signature, too.
Homer : Oh! Yes, of course. Uh, she's behind that plant. Hello, Marge.
[going behind the plant and imitating Marge]
Homer : Hi, Homie.
[switching back and forth]
Homer : Sign this, please. "You're the boss."
[imitating Lisa]
Homer : Daddy, ask the man for some candy.
Homer : No, no. No candy for you. "Well, at least get some candy for yourself."
[to the teller with a chuckle]
Homer : Kids.
Teller : [sighing] Here's your candy.
Homer : [running away] So, long, sucker!
Teller : Uh, sir, your life savings.
Homer : Uh, yes, I see that it's in bill form. Excellent.
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Kent Brockman : Turning to the stock market, Animotion is up an eighth...
Homer : Yes!
Kent Brockman : ...after plunging 75 points this morning.
Homer : [worried] Oh, I hope "plunging" means up and 75 means 200.
Kent Brockman : The firm declared super-duper bankruptcy, which is terrible news for the company's only stockholder, Homer Simpson.
Homer : [groaning] Ohhh!
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Mr. Burns : It seems the federales have been tipped off by an anonymous whistleblower.
Homer : [to himself] Mm-hmm.
Mr. Burns : Now, while the plant is brought up to code, there will be massive layoffs. That is to say, total layoffs. Toodles!
Lenny : Way to put us out of work, genius.
Carl : I can't feed my family with a codpiece.
Homer : Wait, you can't hate me. I'm your better. Your better!
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Homer : [learning of the crayon in his brain] I've had thousands of head x-rays. How come no one ever noticed it before?
Dr. Hibbert : Oh, I can answer that. You see, whenever, I pick up an x-ray, I always hold it like this. My thumb must have covered up the crayon every time.
[chortling]
Dr. Hibbert : I'll show myself out.
Scientist #2 : Do you have any idea how this might have happened?
Homer : Well, I'm not sure, but it might have happened when I was six.
[flashback to six-year-old Homer putting crayons up his nose]
Homer : Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen! Who-hoo!
[feeling woozy]
Homer : Oh, I don't feel so good.
[as he sneezes, the crayons come out of his nose]
Homer : Uh, I think that's all of 'em.
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Lenny : Whatcha mailing, Homer?
Homer Simpson : I've compiled a thorough safety report on this plant.
Carl : How come you're not giving it to Mr. Burns?
Homer Simpson : I've decided to disintermediate the local authorities and send it straight to the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
Lenny : Yeah, and just in time. Every day, there's more skin on my pillow.
Carl : Yeah, it's nice to have someone with brains in this nuclear plant. Homer's the guy who rigged up my pants with this special codpiece.
Homer Simpson : Comfy, isn't it?
Carl : Oh, yeah. It provides the freedom and protection I so sorely need.
