The Simpsons (TV Series)

We're on the Road to D'ohwhere (2006)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, Groundskeeper Willie, Fun Homer, Serious Homer

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [blood on wind shield]  Stupid horse, it's a deer crossing!

• Homer Simpson : I can't believe I have to drive all the way to Oregon. With it's rich unspoiled lands and birthplace of Matt Groening.

• Carl : Moe, why you being so generous? You're usually so stingy and ratlike.

  Moe Szyslak : Yeah, well, you remember that time I tried to hang myself and the rope broke? Well, I sued the rope company and I got a huge settlement, and a new rope!

  Barney : Wow!

  Homer Simpson : Ooh!

  Carl : Hey, nice rope.

  Lenny : You could hang a cow with that thing.

• Homer Simpson : Hey, guys, I have to put the boy on a plane to soul-crushing camp, then I'll be back to go to Vegas.

  Bart Simpson : Dad, if you take me to Vegas, I'll teach you how to cheat at blackjack.

  Homer Simpson : Boy, you don't need to cheat when you got a system.

  Bart Simpson : What's your system?

  Homer Simpson : [whispering]  I don't tell your mother how much I've lost.

• Bart Simpson : Dad, neither of us wanna go, why are you doing this? Where's the old care-free Homer who likes to cut loose?

  Homer Simpson : You mean "Fun Homer"? I'm afraid Serious Homer has him locked up till you're at your snooty torture camp.

  Bart Simpson : [yelling into Homer's ear]  Fight back Fun Homer, together we can win!

  Homer Simpson : It's no use.

  [shows inside Homer's head] 

  Fun Homer : Aw, come on, Serious Homer, lemme out. We can get a monkey drunk and push him down the stairs.

  Serious Homer : I'll kill you the way I killed Intellectual Homer!

  [camera pans to a dead body of Intellectual Homer in a pile of blood that spells out "Ontogeny recapitulates Phylogeny"] 

• Bart Simpson : Come on, Dad, we got a long way to go, you can't stay mad at me the whole time.

  Homer Simpson : Boy, if were half as smart as you think you are, you'd clean up your act.

  Bart Simpson : Well, maybe pulling pranks is the only thing I'm good at.

  Homer Simpson : Well, at least you have something you're good at. I'm 38 years old driving a crappy car with a son who doesn't respect me and I'm one snickers pie away from losing my foot to diabetes. Mmmm, snickers pie.

• Homer Simpson : [Homer is on the verge of falling off from the cliff]  Boy! Push down on the bumper, then I can back the car up and save myself!

  Bart Simpson : Hmm... If I save you, what are you gonna do to me?

  Homer Simpson : Shower you with love, because this experience has taught me just how precious you are.

  [Bart pushes the car down] 

  Homer Simpson : I'LL KILL YOU! I'll kill your whole family!

  [Bart moves the car up] 

  Homer Simpson : Kidding, I'm kidding! We can't do that. We have a special friendship.

  [car goes down] 

  Homer Simpson : I'M GONNA DOUBLE KILL YOU! Then I'm gonna bury you in a shallow grave, then I'll dig you up and kill you again! That's the beauty of a shallow grave!

  [car goes up] 

  Homer Simpson : You sweet, little angel. Oh, I'm gonna

  [car goes down] 

  Homer Simpson : rip your head off and spit down

  [car goes up] 

  Homer Simpson : you adorable, little neck,

  [car goes down] 

  Homer Simpson : because I wanna SMASH YOUR LITTLE, STUPID HEAD!

  [car goes up] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, but I love you; we'll go on a fishing trip.

  [car goes down] 

  Homer Simpson : But first, I'm gonna put you in a saw mill then punch your little face out! That's what I'm gonna do!

• Homer Simpson : this camps got it all climbing some rope thing wearing a backpack high fiving a black kid.