The Simpsons (TV Series)
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious (1997)
Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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Homer Simpson : [interviewing potential nannies] Wait a minute, Marge. I saw "Mrs. Doubtfire". This is a man in drag!
[pulling at the woman's hair]
Homer Simpson : You're phony. Fake phony broad! Gimme those!
Marge Simpson : [he chases her off] Homer, if you're going to do this to every applicant, we're never going to find one.
Homer Simpson : Sorry.
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Kearney : I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids, and if they get out of line... pow!
Homer Simpson : I like him.
Kearney : Thanks. Hey, where do you keep the liquor?
Homer Simpson : I hide a bottle of schnapps in the baby's crib.
Marge Simpson : I'm sorry, young man. You're not what we're looking for.
Kearney : [under his breath as he leaves] You're telling me, you blue-haired witch.
Marge Simpson : I heard that!
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Homer Simpson : [suggestively] Marge, I was just watching women's volleyball on ESPN.
Marge Simpson : Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Homer Simpson : Come on. There's no need for that baba-ma-bushka.
Marge Simpson : All right, but don't be shocked.
Homer Simpson : Oh, there's no way I could...
[she removes the towel from her head]
Homer Simpson : AHHH!
Marge Simpson : Homie, I'm losing my hair.
Homer Simpson : Now, sweetie, don't worry about a thing. I'll teach you to comb it over so no one can tell. Just like my hair.
[imagining herself with hair like his, she sobs into his shoulder]
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Marge Simpson : I was just with Dr. Hibbert. He said I was under a lot of stress and should get some help.
Homer Simpson : Marge, whatever it takes to make you well, we'll do it.
Marge Simpson : Well, I was thinking we could hire a nanny to help me out.
Bart Simpson : A nanny?
Homer Simpson : But how am I supposed to pay for that?
Lisa Simpson : We'll find a way. Mom has made so many sacrifices for us, it's time we gave up something for her. I'll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing.
Bart Simpson : And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
Homer Simpson : Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Lisa Simpson : But he didn't do anything.
Homer Simpson : Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he?
[realizing and taking the dollar back]
Homer Simpson : Hey, wait a minute. He didn't!
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Homer Simpson : Now, Ms. Bobbins, if you want this job, you're going to have to answer a few questions. First, do you have any bad habits?
Shary Bobbins : No. I'm practically perfect in every way.
Homer Simpson : Well, so am I.
[he boorishly drinks milk straight from the carton while scratching his butt, then belches]
Homer Simpson : Ah! Okay. Question two. Who was your last employer?
Shary Bobbins : Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
Homer Simpson : [leaning over to Marge] Marge, do we know them?
Marge Simpson : No.
Homer Simpson : Come on. Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy?
Marge Simpson : That's Carl.
Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah.
[to Shary]
Homer Simpson : So, you worked for Carl, eh?
Bart Simpson : I have a question. Pop quiz, hotshot. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but you find me upstairs reading a "Playdude". What do you do? What do you do?
Shary Bobbins : I make you read every article in that magazine, including Norman Mailer's latest claptrap about his waning libido.
Homer Simpson : Ooh. She is tough.
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Marge Simpson : [hiring Shary] My, she seems too good to be true.
Homer Simpson : I'll say. Her butt waxed the banister.
Marge Simpson : [seeing her reflection] Ooh! I can see myself.
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Shary Bobbins : The policeman on the beat/Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum : Fighting crime is not my cup of tea.
Shary Bobbins : And the clerk who runs the store/Can charge a little more/For meat.
Apu : For meat.
Shary Bobbins : And milk.
Apu : And milk.
Shary Bobbins , Apu : From 1984.
Shary Bobbins : If... you... cut every corner, you'll have more time for play
Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson , Shary Bobbins : It's the American way.
[as they leave Bart's room, Homer slams the door shut, and everything the kids put away spills back out]
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Marge Simpson : I guess we're not going to find anyone.
Lisa Simpson : We have our own suggestions for the new nanny. Would you like to hear them?
Homer Simpson : You have my undivided attention.
[his mind is distracted by animation accompanied by "Turkey in the Straw"]
Marge Simpson : Well, I'd like to hear your suggestions.
Lisa Simpson : Maestro, if you please.
[Bart turns on a boom box]
Lisa Simpson : [singing] If you wish to be our sitter/Please be sweet and never bitter/Help us with math and book reports.
Bart Simpson : Might I add, eat my shorts.
Lisa Simpson : Bart!
Bart Simpson : Just cuttin' through the treacle.
Lisa Simpson : If Maggie's fussy, don't avoid her.
Bart Simpson : Let me get away with moider.
Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : Teach us songs and magic tricks.
Homer Simpson : Might I add, no fat chicks.
Marge Simpson : Homer!
Lisa Simpson : The nanny we want is kindly and sage.
Homer Simpson : And one who will work for minimum wage.
Lisa Simpson : Hurry, nanny, things are grim.
Abe Simpson : I'll do it!
Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : Anyone but him.
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Bart Simpson : Ma, could you get me some milk?
Marge Simpson : Can't you get it yourself?
Bart Simpson : Oh, that's okay. I'll just go without liquid.
Marge Simpson : [he starts hacking] Oh, all right, all right. I'll get your milk.
Bart Simpson : Thank you.
Marge Simpson : [going to the kitchen] Does anyone else want anything while I'm up?
Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson , Homer Simpson : No.
Homer Simpson : [as soon as she returns and sits down] Marge, get me a beer.
Marge Simpson : Ooh!
Lisa Simpson : Uh, mom?
Marge Simpson : [snappishly] What?
Lisa Simpson : [meekly] Um, there's a hair in my soup. But I'll just eat around it.
Marge Simpson : What kind of hair?
Lisa Simpson : Well, it's blue. Six feet long...
Bart Simpson , Homer Simpson : Ew!
Marge Simpson : It's my hair! Excuse me.
Homer Simpson : Your mother seems really upset about something. I'd better go have a talk with her. During the commercial.
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Shary Bobbins : I believe my work here is done.
Marge Simpson : Thank you for everything.
Lisa Simpson , Bart Simpson : We'll miss you, Shary Bobbins.
Homer Simpson : You've changed me, as well. I'm no longer the money-driven workaholic I once was.
Shary Bobbins : I love you all.
[giving them a final wave and leaving]
Shary Bobbins : Oh! To think I'll never hear those sweet voices again.
Homer Simpson : [crashing through the front window, strangling Bart] Aw, you... you... you little...!
Shary Bobbins : Oh.
[heading back in, she sees Lisa aimlessly banging on a pot, and gasps upon seeing Maggie using a fire extinguisher to put out the front curtains and Marge shivering, with her hair falling out again]
Shary Bobbins : Oh, I'll just unpack my things.
Abe Simpson : [floating outside through the open door] I think we got our umbrellas switched! Whee! I never felt so alive!
[he begins snoring as he floats away]
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Lisa Simpson : More kippers, mum?
Marge Simpson : Oh, thank you.
Homer Simpson : Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding.
Bart Simpson : The secret ingredient is blood.
Homer Simpson : Blood? Ugh! I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.
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Marge Simpson : Shary, you did the best you could, but you can't change this family, and neither can I. From now on, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride.
Shary Bobbins : But haven't I taught you people anything?
Homer Simpson : Nope.
Lisa Simpson : No.
Bart Simpson : Nope.
Marge Simpson : No.
Shary Bobbins : So you like it this way?
Homer Simpson : Indubitably!
[singing]
Homer Simpson : Around the house/I never lift a finger/As a husband and father, I'm sub-par/I'd rather drink a beer than win Father of the Year/I'm happy with things the way they are.
Lisa Simpson : I'm getting used to never getting noticed.
Bart Simpson : I'm stuck here 'til I can steal a car.
Marge Simpson : The house is still a mess/And I'm going bald from stress.
Marge Simpson , Homer Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : But we're happy just the way we are!
Ned Flanders : They're not perfect, but the Lord says love thy neighbor.
Homer Simpson : Shut up, Flanders.
Ned Flanders : Okely-dokely-do.
Shary Bobbins : Don't think it's sour grapes/But you're all a bunch of apes/And so I must be leaving you.
Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : [watching her fly away] Goodbye, Shary Bobbins!
Marge Simpson : Thanks for everything!
Barney : So long, Superman!
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Marge Simpson : That Shary Bobbins is a miracle worker! The kids love her, the house is spotless, and my hair's grown back! It's so full and thick, it can support a beach umbrella.
Homer Simpson : [she demonstrates] Come to bed, Marge.
Marge Simpson : Oh! Ooh.
Homer Simpson : [she moves to take the umbrella out] No, no. Leave it in.