- [Gunther the Monkey runs away]
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, I always feared he would run off like this. Why? WHY? WHY didn't I break his legs?
- Fry: Hey, professor. What are you teaching this semester?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Same thing I teach every semester. The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. I made up the title so that no student would dare take it.
- Fry: Mathematics of wonton burrito meals. I'll be there!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.
- Fry: Wow. The jungles on Mars look like the jungles on Earth.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Jungles? On Earth? Hahahahaha.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: It's a little experiment that might win me the Nobel Prize.
- Leela: In which field?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I don't care - they all pay the same.
- Fry: Very impressive. Back in the Twentieth Century we had no idea there was a university on Mars.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Well, in those days Mars was a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, Mars was eventually made liveable when the university was founded in 2636.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I arranged that you be roommates for a reason: so I would only have to remember one phone number.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: But what about your superintelligence?
- Gunther the Monkey: When I had that there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to Business School.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
- Guenter: [after putting the hat on again] Eureka! The hat goes on the head! It's all so obvious now!
- Leela: So he just ran off in the middle of class?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.
- Guenter: [to Fry, after getting the number of a girl named Christie] You like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?
- 20th Century History Teacher: Be forewarned. The only way to get a sure A in this class is to have actually lived in the 20th Century.
- Fry: Swish!
- [Teacher pushes a button; Fry gets shocked]
- 20th Century History Teacher: Anything else to add, Mr. Fry?
- Fry: I'm from the 20th Century. Go ahead, ask me anything.
- 20th Century History Teacher: Very well. What device invented in the 20th Century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes?
- Fry: Ooh! I know this... whatcha call it?... Lite Brite!
- [Fry is shocked again]
- Dean Vernon: You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenver a fire alarm is pulled, it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated...
- Bender: Now I can explain that!
- Dean Vernon: The thing I love most about being Dean of students is the quiet, dignity, and respect I receive.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Put on the hat, Guenter! You're the only one who can save us!
- [Hubert, Leela and Fry are close to fall down a huge waterfall]
- Guenter: [Puts banana on his head and starts chewing the hat]
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [muttering] Stupid monkey.
- Leela: Not there!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [shouting] Keep trying!
- Guenter: [Tries the hat on his buttocks]
- Fry: [Giggling]
- Guenter: [wearing the hat] Eureka! The hat goes on the head! It's all so obvious now!
- Leela: Help us, Guenter!
- Guenter: My goodness! Hang on! I need to do some calculations!
- [Fry reveals he told Gunther the Monkey to run away]
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: What? After I spent MONTHS slaving over a hot monkey brain?