- Fry: [Fry thinks he's a robot] Fear not: I shall assist ye.
- Hermes Conrad: Robots don't say "ye"!
- Fry: Relax, mammal. My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?
- Hermes Conrad: That's a plus sign, ya pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!
- Fry: I'll show ye!
- Turanga Leela: I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity, the way only a woman can.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?
- Judge Ron Whitey: Counselor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
- The Hyper-Chicken: For starters, they done hired me to represent them.
- Judge Ron Whitey: Insanity plea is accepted!
- Roberto: I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy! No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!
- Fry: Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a... a...
- Dr. Zoidberg: A squid?
- Fry: A human! Oh, my God, I'm a human!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Also good.
- Fry: I'm not a robot like you, I don't like having discs cramped into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth.
- Hermes Conrad: I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear employee: Has it really been five, ten, or fifteen years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of apreciation and applaud."
- Dr. Zoidberg: Look, coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one. Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years! So many memories, so many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.
- Hermes Conrad: Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!
- Dr. Zoidberg: You kept track of it all these years!
- Roberto: [Holds Zoidberg at knifepoint] Back off! I have hostages!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! I'm helping!
- Fry: I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.
- Judge Ron Whitey: Ah, the 67th Amendment.
- Fry: [about an Abraham Lincoln robot at the asylum] Let me guess. He thinks he's Abraham Lincoln.
- Unit 2013: Well, he's supposed to, but he has multiple personalities. All of them Lincoln.
- Abraham Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, listen to me. Just because you say you're a robot doesn't make you a robot. Look at me. I call myself a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.
- Fry: I'm not a robot like you, I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth.
- Nurse Ratchet: [Referring to Malfunctioning Eddie] He's very excitable so don't say anything to surprise him.
- [Leaves Fry with Malfunctioning Eddie]
- Malfunctioning Eddie: Pleased to meet you.
- Fry: Actually, we've met once before.
- Malfunctioning Eddie: what!
- [Head explodes]
- Dr. Zoidberg: Listen to me Fry just because you think you're a robot, it doesn't make you a robot, after all I think I'm a doctor but that doesn't make me a doctor, these fancy clothes do.
- Fry: [in a robotic tone] Negative I must be a robot, why else would human women refuse to date me?
- Turanga Leela: [assuring him] Oh lots of reasons
- Fry: [to the crew] Bio units terminate noise exchange, it is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment
- [unzips his pants, pulls out sandwiches and hands them to them causing them to back away in disgust]
- Dr. Zoidberg: [Fry has drank a lot of alcohol and leaves the empty bottle laying on the floor] By a scallop's forelocks, what's with all the beer Fry?
- Fry: [drunk] Alcohol fuels my power cells and as a mighty robot I...
- [burps and passes out]
- Hermes Conrad: I will now read the mandatory speech.
- [reading from a book called "Minimum Obligations Manual"]
- Hermes Conrad: Dear employee. Has it really been five, 10 or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [He gives Zoidberg an envelope and claps. Zoidberg opens it] Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car.
- Hermes Conrad: Now here's your pension statement.
- [He hands Zoidberg a piece of paper]
- Hermes Conrad: It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!
- Dr. Zoidberg: [Zoidberg wipes away a tear and hugs Hermes] You kept track of it all these years!