The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart the Genius (1990)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Conductor

Photos 

Quotes 

• [playing Scrabble] 

  Bart : Kwyjibo: K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points. Plus, triple-word score, plus fifty points for using all my letters... Game's over, I'm outta here.

  Homer : Wait a minute, you little cheater. You're not going anywhere 'til you tell me what a Kwyjibo is.

  Bart : Kwyjibo. Uh, a big dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin.

  Marge : And a short temper.

  Homer : I'll show you a big dumb balding ape!

  Bart : Uh oh, Kwyjibo on the loose!

• Homer : What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

• [after Bart turned himself green in a science accident] 

  Homer : Don't be discouraged, son. I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

• Bart : [at an opera - Bart & Homer are bored]  "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings."

  Homer : That one fat enough for ya?

• Homer : You can't stay in there forever!

  Bart : I can try!

  Homer : March your butt out here right now!

  Bart : No way, man!

  Homer : [sweet]  Son, if you don't come out, I can't hug you and kiss you, and make you feel all better.

  Bart : You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that? I'm insulted!

• Homer : Frosty Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. Lisa, maybe you should try some of these.

  Marge : Homer!

  Homer : I'm just saying, why not have two geniuses in the family? Sort of a spare in case Bart's brain blows up.

• Homer : Sorry, son. Your mom got us tickets to a snooty movie directed by some Swedish meatball.

• Lisa Simpson : Yeah mom, hurry up!

  Marge : Alright, hmm how about, he? Two points. Your turn dear.

  Homer : Hmmm, how could anyone make a word out of these lousy letters?

  [camera pans down to show the word oxidize] 

  Homer : Oh wait, here's a good one, do.

  Lisa Simpson : [Lisa places an I on top of the D in do]  Id triple word score!

  Homer : Hey, no abbreviations.

  Lisa Simpson : Not I.D. dad id! It's a word!

  Bart : As in this game is stupid.

  Homer : Hey, shut up boy.

  Lisa Simpson : Yeah Bart. You're supposed to be developing verbal abilities for your big aptitude test tomorrow.

  Marge : We could look this id thing up in the dictionary.

  Homer : We've got one?

  Marge : I think it's under the short leg of the couch.

  [Homer lifts up couch and gives the dictionary to Lisa] 

  Lisa Simpson : Id, along with the ego and the superego one of three components of the psyche.

  Homer : Get out of here!

  Bart : My turn. Kwyjibo. K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. 22 points, plus triple word score, plus 50 points for using all my letters! Game's over I'm outta here.

• Bart : You kissed me.

  Homer : Why, there's nothing wrong with a father kissing his son. I think.

• Homer : Now go in boy, and pay attention, because if you do, some day you may achieve something that us Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may out-smart someone.

• Homer : Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius? How does it happen?

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment. Although, in some cases, it's a total mystery.

• Dr. J. Loren Pryor : This aptitude test we administered this morning has revealed that the young Bart here is what we call a "gifted child."

  Homer : A what?

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Your son is a genius, Mr. Simpson.

  Marge : Bart?

  Homer : This lunkhead?

  Principal Seymour Skinner : Impossible.

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : No, no, we're quite certain. The child is not supposed to know his own IQ, of course, but, uh, you can see it's beyond the range of any doubt.

  Homer : 912!

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Uh, no. You have it upside down. It's 216.

• Marge : Hello again, Principal Skinner.

  Homer : What have you done this time, boy?

  Principal Seymour Skinner : I caught your son defacing school property this morning. We estimate the damage at $75, and frankly, we think it's terribly unfair that other taxpayers should foot the bill.

  Homer : Yeah, it's a crummy system, but what are you gonna do?

  [Marge whispers in his ear] 

  Homer : Oh, no. He can't mean that. My wife thinks you want me to pay for it.

  Principal Seymour Skinner : That was the idea.

  Homer : Oh.

  Principal Seymour Skinner : By itself, something like this might not call for an extreme penalty, but this is not an isolated incident.

  [opening a file cabinet with Bart's name on it] 

  Principal Seymour Skinner : Bart's behavior is... unruly. He's frequently absent from school, then gives teachers pathetic excuse notes that are obviously childish forgeries compared to...

  [taking a check from Homer, he sees the handwriting is identical] 

• Marge : Bart, I feel so bad for going so many years without... mmm, hmm... what's that word where you encourage something to grow?

  [Homer and Bart both groan I don't know] 

  Lisa Simpson : Nurturing.

  Marge : Nurturing your brilliant brain, so I got tickets to the opera tonight. Hurry up. Get dressed. It starts at 8:00.

  Bart : Oh, Mom, not tonight.

  Homer : Come on, Bart, your mother's only trying to help, so go ahead and enjoy the show.

  Marge : Homer, you're going, too.

  Homer : But I'm not a genius. Why should I suffer?

• Bart : Dad, I gotta tell you something. Hope you won't be too mad.

  Homer : What is it, son?

  Bart : I'm not a genius, Dad.

  Homer : What?

  Bart : I cheated on the intelligence test. I'm sorry. But I just want to say that the past few weeks have been great. Me and you have done stuff together. You've helped me out with things, and we're closer than we've ever been. I love you, Dad. And I think if something can bring us that close, it can't possibly be bad.

  Homer : [angrily]  Why, you little...!

  Bart : Uh-oh.

  Marge : [as she knits on the sofa, a naked Bart runs past, screaming]  What's going on out there?

  Lisa Simpson : [Homer chases after him]  I think Bart's stupid again, Mom.