Xena: Warrior Princess (TV Series)

Amphipolis Under Siege (2000)

Kevin Smith: Ares

Quotes 

• Athena : [after hitting Ares down, Athena stands before him]  What's the matter, bro? Worried about your girlfriend?

  [Xena is fighting Ilainus in the background] 

  Ares : Me? Oh, no!

  [Xena shoves Ilainus back and hits her] 

  Ares : Worried about yours?

  [Athena looks back; she sees that Xena is defeating Ilainus] 

  Ilainus : [Xena continues avoiding Ilainus' sword blows as she keeps striking her. Xena then thrusts her sword deep in Ilainus' abdomen]  UGH! OH!

  [she moans in pain] 

  Athena : ILAINUS!

  [Ilainus falls down; Athena runs to her and examines her wound] 

  Athena : Your wound is beyond my healing...

  Ilainus : [breathing heavily as Athena cradles her]  Do I still have your favor, A-Athena?

  Athena : Always...

  [Ilainus takes her last breath, leans her head back and dies; Athena holds her] 

  Athena : Take a good look, Ares! We're next; all of us!

  [Athena disappears with Ilainus' body] 

• Ares : Hey, Sis! How goes the siege?

  Athena : [smirking]  I'm about to start catapulting dead cows into the village.

  Ares : Always a classic!

• Xena : Ares!

  Ares, God of War : Ow. Athena is beating you like a dog out there. Put a poultice on it. It's gotta sting.

  Xena : Thanks.

  Ares, God of War : Hey, don't feel bad. After all, you're fighting the goddess of wisdom and warfare.

  Xena : Don't forget weaving.

• Gabrielle : Ares. Ares, I need to talk to you.

  Ares, God of War : Well aren't I Mr. Popular.

  Gabrielle : I'm not here to play games. I know that Xena made an offer to you.

  Ares, God of War : You're telling the story?

  Gabrielle : If you lay a hand on her, I swe...

  Ares, God of War : What? You'll do what?

  Gabrielle : If you accept, you will destroy Xena. You will turn her into exactly what she used to be- a vicious killer.

  Ares, God of War : Yeah, well I kinda liked that Xena.

  Gabrielle : Did you? Then why are you so obsessed with who she is now? Tell me you don't feel anything for the real Xena, the good Xena. Ares, if you make her do this, she will never love you.

  Ares, God of War : You think she'd really give herself to me to save Eve?

  Gabrielle : Has she ever said anything she didn't mean?

  Ares, God of War : Thank you.

  Gabrielle : Don't do it.

• Xena : [after Xena's mom catches her making out with Ares]  This is not what it looks like!

  Ares, God of War : Yeah, it is.

• Xena : Ares!

  Ares, God of War : Hey, Xena! Have a change of heart? Well my offer still stands. I'm willing to protect you and your child, at no small amount of personal risk I might add.

  Xena : And what if I decline? You ransack my hometown? Hold my mother hostage until I agree?

  Ares, God of War : You got the wrong god. There's another who deals in mortal blood. Like all the gods, she knows your bundle of joy portents the demise of the Olympians.

• Ares, God of War : Who was it that said an army is a terrible thing to waste? I think it was me.

• Athena : Why are you here, Brother?

  Ares, God of War : My survival's at stake, too. The child must die.

  Athena : Really? Rumor has it you made Xena an offer to spare the child, if she gave you one of your own.

  Ilainus : And rumor has it that she turned you down.

  Athena : This isn't one of your games to try to make Xena your plaything. Zeus is dead, Ares. Our father. The prophecy is coming true and Xena's child is the key.

  Ares, God of War : Then why not attack now?

  Athena : The people of Amphipolis are loyal to me. Give them time and they'll deliver up the child without the need to spill blood.

  Ares, God of War : Perhaps. Where's the fun in that?

• Ares, God of War : So.

  Xena : Ares.

  Ares, God of War : Hmm?

  Xena : I believe we discussed a deal.

  Ares, God of War : Deal, deal deal deal deal. I don't know. Did we?

  Xena : Cut the crap. I'm ready to bargain. You fight beside me, we can defeat Athena!

  Ares, God of War : Maybe we can. Of course, if I side with you against my sister, I become a pariah on Olympus. So by helping you, my own fate is sealed. Oh I'm still interested. I just want to know what's in it for me?

  Xena : What's in it for you? Me. You help me defeat Athena, and I'm yours.

  Ares, God of War : You're mine?

  Xena : For years you've been wanting me to be your warrior queen. Well, I'm offering you my sword, and the body that wields it.

  Ares, God of War : It's uh, it's very tempting. But what about Olympus?

  Xena : Olympus is doomed. Zeus is dead. Whatever happens here, their reign is over. You want immortality? A child is immortality. A legacy, a lineage. You help me save my daughter and you will be her father. Through her we can live forever.

  Ares, God of War : Xena, I'm...

  Xena : I'm offering you everything you ever wanted. Take it.

  [They kiss] 

• Ares, God of War : No, no you don't.

  Xena : What?

  Ares, God of War : You're up to something. I have desired you from the very first time I saw you in battle. Now? After all these years, after all the games, the cat and the mouse. Will I, won't I? 'Ares, I'm yours. Take me.' Well, I'm sorry. It's too easy.

  Xena : I am offering you a deal, and I don't go back on my promises.

  Ares, God of War : No, no you don't. But you always come up with some way to mess with my head.

• Ares, God of War : As much as I love the smell of rotting cow carcass in the morning, have you considered there might be another way to break the stalemate?

  Athena : Mhmm?

  Ares, God of War : I might be able to convince Xena to leave our realm. To take Eve where she can do no harm.

  Athena : [laughs]  And where would that be? Oh you're thinking with your codpiece again, Brother. Do you really think Xena will be yours if you can save the child?

  Ares, God of War : Have you considered maybe this prophecy's fulfilling itself? Think about it. What can Xena's baby do to us, really? Yet the more we fight amongst ourselves about the future of this one tiny child, the more vulnerable we become.

  Athena : Because of this one tiny child, Zeus is already dead!

  Ares, God of War : If he'd left well enough alone, Hercules wouldn't have killed him.

  Athena : And what if you're wrong, Ares? Is it worth the risk for one child? Or for one woman? There will be no compromise.

• Xena : So, are we going to seal this deal, or what?

  Ares, God of War : Sounds like a plan.

• Ares, God of War : No confusion. I side with you against gods, save Eve. Gotcha.

• Cyrene : I suppose it could be worse. I mean after all, he is a god. Although I would have preferred Apollo, or maybe Hermes.

  Ares, God of War : Excuse me, Hermes? With wings on the feet? Oh please.

• Ares, God of War : You're making a mistake. I would have kept to our bargain.

  Xena : I know you would have. I've gotta do this my way.

  Ares, God of War : What a surprise.

• Ares : Not so fast, Sis.

  Athena : Ares, get out of my way!

  Ares : You know they say blood is thicker than water. But blood runs hottest when love is involved.

  Athena : You're really whipped, aren't you?

  Ares : Oh no, that ain't nice.

• Gabrielle : Did you and Ares-?

  Xena : No.

  Ares, God of War : Not yet. Shall we conclude our transaction, Xena?

  Xena : You know it's really kind of you, Ares, but I don't think I'm going to have take you up on your offer after all.

  Ares, God of War : I saved your chi...

  Xena : [Xena tosses the bundle at him]  You saved my dolly.

  Ares, God of War : Why do you continue to deny us? We had a deal. When we were fighting side by side, it's like we were one. Back there in the temple, can you tell me you didn't feel anything?

  Xena : I felt nothing.

  Ares, God of War : This isn't finished. As long as your child lives, they'll keep coming. And then you're gonna have to come to me for help.

  [leaves] 

  Xena : I felt something.