The X-Files (TV Series)

Dreamland II (1998)

Michael McKean: Morris Fletcher

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morris Fletcher : [Scully hands Fletcher some handcuffs whilst sitting on his bed]  Oh yeah! Me first?

  Scully : You first!

  Morris Fletcher : [Moriss handcuffs himself to the bed]  Now what?

  Scully : [Scully has her pistol pointed at Fletcher]  You're not Mulder.

  Morris Fletcher : What?... Baby...

  Scully : "Baby" me and you will be peeing through a catheter!

• [after finding Mulder's bedroom full of junk] 

  Morris Fletcher : This guy hasn't been laid in 10 years.

• JoAnne Fletcher : I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris. Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, what's-her-name.

  Morris Fletcher : Dana Scully - Special Agent Dana Scully.

  JoAnne Fletcher : Special Tramp Dana Scully!

  Morris Fletcher : She's my partner, Joanne.

  JoAnne Fletcher : I'm supposed to be your partner.

  Morris Fletcher : My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder. Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner. I am not your husband, we are not married, we are complete strangers and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.

  JoAnne Fletcher : You know, Morris, most men when they have a mid-life crisis they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't run around calling themselves Fox.

• Morris Fletcher : You're the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.

  Byers : We uncover the truth.

  Morris Fletcher : The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this!

  [headline reads: "Saddam testing mandroid army in Iraqi desert."] 

  Morris Fletcher : There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz, we found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean "King and I." Plays good ethnics.

  Ringo Langly : You.re to say that Saddam Hussein is a government plant?

  Morris Fletcher : I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79. He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... if you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while on the pot.

• Morris Fletcher : Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin, that's classified.

  Melvin Frohike : The name's *Frohike*, you punk-ass!

• Scully : [after finding out that Fletcher and Mulder have switched bodies]  How do we get things back to normal?

  Morris Fletcher : How should I know? I wouldn't do it even if I could! You saw my wife, you think I wanna go back to that? Two kids who'll probably kill me in my sleep for the insurance money. A $400,000 mortgage on a house that just appraised at 226! And my job...! Yegads! You think being a man in black is all hoodoo mind control? You should see the paperwork!

  Scully : Are you through?

  Morris Fletcher : As far as I'm concerned, this thing is a gift from heaven!

• Morris Fletcher : [as Mulder]  Can't we start over - and do that thing with the handcuffs?

  [Scully holds up her gun and cocks it] 

  Morris Fletcher : Probably not your scene.

• Mulder : [as Morris Fletcher]  It'll be like the last few days never happened. You won't remember any of this.

  Morris Fletcher : [as Mulder]  Oh, Well in that case, Dana, it's been real.

  [slaps Scully's ass] 

• Morris Fletcher : [voice-over]  Once upon a time, these was a guy with the improbable name of Fox Mulder. He started out life happily enough, as these things go. He had parents who loved him, a cute kid sister, he had a roof over his head, got all his flu shots, had all his fingers and toes. And aside from being stuck with the name "Fox", which probably taught him how to fight, or not, he pretty much led a normal life. But the worst thing by far, the biggest kick in the slats this kid Fox ever got, was what happened to his sister. One day, she just disappeared. Now Fox buckled down and worked his butt off. Graduated top of his class at Oxford, then top of his class at the FBI academy. None of that hard work made up for his sister, though. It was just a way of putting her out of his mind. Finally, the way I figure it, he went out of his mind and he's been that way ever since. Fox Mulder pissed away a brilliant career, lost the respect of supervisors and friends, and now lives his life shaking his fist at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone who'll listen. If you ask me, he's one step away from pushing a baby carriage filled with tin cans down the street. But now, all that's gonna change.

• Morris Fletcher : [as Mulder]  We could have lots of fun together once you got to know me. You know that Danes?

  Scully : Still got my gun.