Wonderfalls (TV Series)

Wax Lion (2004)

Katie Finneran: Sharon Tyler

Quotes 

• Darrin Tyler : [after Jaye fainted at work]  Did anyone examine her?

  Karen Tyler : A very handsome paramedic said he couldn't find anything physically wrong. Didn't you think he was handsome?

  Sharon Tyler : Please stop asking me that.

  Darrin Tyler : A paramedic is not qualified to tell you that nothing is wrong.

  Aaron Tyler : It's not physical, it's emotional. She lives in a trailer park. Clearly, she's disturbed. I mean... clearly.

  Karen Tyler : She's not disturbed; she's depressed. And they have pills for that now. Can't you prescribe something?

  Darrin Tyler : You don't just start popping pills because you feel a little down. I mean, there are other ways to deal with depression. Sweetheart, when's the last time you had an orgasm?

  Sharon Tyler : [awkward silence]  That sound you hear is stunned silence.

  Darrin Tyler : There's nothing to be ashamed of. Millions of people have orgasms every day.

  Jaye : Not ashamed. Mortified.

  Darrin Tyler : Maybe she should talk to Dr. Ron.

  Karen Tyler : I really don't want her talking to my therapist. She'll give him ideas.

  Jaye : Don't need therapy. All better now.

  Sharon Tyler : I think we should put her down.

  Karen Tyler : Sharon.

  Aaron Tyler : It is just like going to sleep.

• Sharon Tyler : You're 24. "Troubled teen" is no longer flattering on you.

  Jaye : Nice talking to you.

  Sharon Tyler : You better stop!

  Jaye : [getting hit with a thrown shoe]  Ow! Oh, that was dramatic.

  Sharon Tyler : If you really wanted this to be dramatic, you should've called Mom.

  Jaye : What's that supposed to mean?

  Sharon Tyler : Grow up is what it means. Getting arrested for disorderly conduct? Really, though.

  Jaye : She hit me first!

  Sharon Tyler : Oh, that is so surprising. I can't imagine why anyone would ever wanna hit you. And fainting at work? What is that about? Are you starving yourself again?

  Jaye : Why are you being such a cow? You're my sister.

  Sharon Tyler : You tell people we're not related.

  Jaye : It was just that one time.

  Sharon Tyler : It was Grandpa's wake.

  Jaye : Well, you always have such a bug up your ass.

  Sharon Tyler : Just curious, how many people did you call before you called me?

  Jaye : Five. No, six. You were the only one home.

• Sharon Tyler : You've never asked me who I was dating or if I was even interested in anybody, and now you're setting me up on a blind date?

  Jaye : So what?

  Sharon Tyler : I'm not complaining. I think it's wonderful, I really do, but you are not the same girl who made all my clothes smell like cat pee. What is going on with you?

  Jaye : I don't know. I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like a pinball. I've been bouncing off bumpers and flippers tryin' to get something to happen, but I had no idea what it was. And then all of a sudden, there's a tracheotomy and you're a lesbian, and there's this other lesbian and... I was just trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do, but they didn't tell me what it was; they just kept on making me guess.

  Sharon Tyler : Who made you guess?

  Jaye : [covering]  Nobody. The proverbial "they".

  [Sharon puts a comforting arm around Jaye] 

  Muse : [prompting her through the monkey statue Jaye stole]  "I love you."

  Jaye : [a little reluctant]  I... love you.

  Sharon Tyler : I love you, too.

  Jaye : I don't feel dirty. I thought was gonna feel dirty.

  Sharon Tyler : Because you said "I love you"?

  Jaye : Mm-hmm. I don't feel dirty at all, which is surprising. You know, maybe we could say it again sometime. But not for a while and not often.

  Sharon Tyler : How about birthdays and holidays?

  Jaye : Okay. But never in public.

• Jaye : [in her mobile home]  How'd you get in?

  Sharon Tyler : Climbed through the window. You're gonna need a new screen.

  Jaye : Couldn't wait in your luxury SUV?

  Sharon Tyler : I did, but there was this dirty kid eating Spaghettios out of a can and he wouldn't stop staring at me.

• Karen Tyler : [after hearing Jaye fainted at work]  Everyone's here. Untie the door and let us in.

  Darrin Tyler : What's she doing back there?

  Aaron Tyler : Maybe she's taking a dump.

  Karen Tyler : Must you be such a sow?

  Sharon Tyler : The mouth-breather at the store said she went pale, twitched a couple of times, and passed out.

  Darrin Tyler : Well, that doesn't sound good.

  Karen Tyler : He called it a "'sode", short for "episode."

  Jaye : I'm fine. You can go home now.

  Karen Tyler : Sweetheart, you're not fine. You had a 'sode.

  Jaye : Just low blood sugar. Ate a Snickers. Thanks for coming.

  Sharon Tyler : If this is an intervention, shouldn't we be intervening?

  Darrin Tyler : Who said anything about an intervention?

  Karen Tyler : It's not so much an intervention as it is a collective expression of concern.

  Sharon Tyler : You said "intervention."

  Karen Tyler : Well, it got you here, didn't it?

• Jaye : So you're a lesbian now.

  Sharon Tyler : Just now.

  Jaye : I could see doing a girl... in prison if there weren't any guys around, especially if the girl was Drew Barrymore.

  [Sharon covers her face in embarrassment] 

  Jaye : What? Just trying to be supportive.

  Sharon Tyler : Yeah, a-about that, why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?

  Jaye : I have always been nice to you.

  Sharon Tyler : No, you have not. When I was 17, you put a space heater and a litter box in my closet for a week while I was on spring break. You have not always been nice to me.