Katie Finneran: Sharon Tyler

Quotes 

• Sharon Tyler : You are a man-eater.

  Jaye Tyler : You lie.

  Sharon Tyler : Do you have any idea how many of your discarded boyfriends I ended up consoling when I lived at home? Yuri, that exchange student from Prague, still writes to me. So whoever this new guy is, please do not give him my phone number when the inevitable happens.

  Jaye Tyler : What if I gave his wife your number instead?

  Sharon Tyler : He is married?

  Jaye Tyler : Only technically. But I'm sure you could take care of that. You could recruit her in your lesbian lifestyle, like you did Beth.

  Sharon Tyler : I did not recruit her.

  Jaye Tyler : [seeing Thomas the delivery guy come in]  Oh, look. Isn't that your girlfriend's husband now? Boy, this is gonna be awkward, huh?

• Sharon Tyler : When was the last time you had peanut butter?

  Beth : I don't know. Uh, before I married Thomas, I guess.

  Sharon Tyler : Right. But you are not married now, so choose.

  Beth : What do you want me to say? Chunky.

  Sharon Tyler : [in a tiff]  Of course you would say chunky. Well, if it's chunky you want, there's no point in having a jar of smooth in the cupboard, is there?

  [throwing it away] 

  Sharon Tyler : 'Cause we all know that smooth can't compete with chunky, can it?

  Beth : God help us if our cycles sync up.

  Sharon Tyler : Do not blame this on my period.

  Beth : Is this what it's like to date a woman?

• Beth : Who are you? Why would you sneak peanut butter into my groceries?

  Sharon Tyler : There was no sneaking. I saw that you were out.

  Beth : Yes, you said that at the grocery store when you pointed to the shelf and said, "Look, peanut butter." I told you I don't eat peanut butter. We were together the entire time. I don't even know how you...

  [unpacking a second jar] 

  Beth : Here's another one. You snuck in two jars of peanut butter.

  Sharon Tyler : Chunky and smooth.

  Beth : What are you doing?

  Sharon Tyler : So you'd have a choice. You like choices, right?

  Beth : Not if I'm choosing between two things I don't like.

• Jaye Tyler : [on the phone with Eric]  They've left some seeds in my hair. And a feather. But you were very gallant.

  Sharon Tyler : [coming in]  Prescription.

  Jaye Tyler : [hanging up]  I have to go.

  Sharon Tyler : The folks are going out of town and asked me to drop it by. Mom said to be sure to take it with food.

  Jaye Tyler : It's a topical ointment.

  Sharon Tyler : [inspecting the cuts on her forehead]  She thinks you're too thin. How did you do that to yourself, anyway?

  Jaye Tyler : I was on a date.

  Sharon Tyler : Did you report the bastard? You cannot let a guy get away with that. Think of the next woman.

  Jaye Tyler : I am the next woman. He didn't do this to me. In fact, he was great. Wow. You really are a man-hater.

• Sharon Tyler : [with a child's shoe]  I came as soon as I found out about the missing children.

  [to Penelope] 

  Sharon Tyler : Are you their mother? Oh, those poor babies. We will find them.

  Aaron Tyler : They're birds.

  Jaye Tyler : Yeah, I, uh, probably shouldn't have said "babies" so much as... birds. It's a "B" word.

  Sharon Tyler : I can think of another "B" word. If you see a wolf, don't bother to call me.