WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)

Bailey's Show (1978)

Kathryn Ish: Mrs. Woodruff

Quotes 

• Venus Flytrap : I think I'll split.

  Bailey Quarters : Okay.

  Mrs. Woodruff : You see, my Hatchback Supreme broke down on a deserted stretch of highway. Now that's when I saw the incredibly bright light in a field and felt myself compelled to walk toward it.

  Venus Flytrap : [smiling]  I think I'll stay.

  Mrs. Woodruff : Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a group of strange people in gold lamé suits.

  Venus Flytrap : That would either be The Temptations or The Four Tops.

• Mrs. Woodruff : Well, anyhow, to make a long *internationally copyrighted* story short, I was beamed aboard their spaceship, what they call a "get-gone", and transported to Ha-cha-cha Number Three. That's what you people call Mars.

  Venus Flytrap : Did this place have heavy metal screens on the windows?

  Mrs. Woodruff : Yes!

  Venus Flytrap : Lucky guess.

  Mrs. Woodruff : Well, anyhow, I was held on Number Three for, ooh, about two or three weeks, before I gained the confidence of Ernst, the divisional commander. I guess it was just a matter of knowing the right people, because Ernst got me transferred to the Caves of Grin. Which was minimum security. Still is, I guess.

  Bailey Quarters : That was lucky.

  Mrs. Woodruff : Oh, yes! Mm-hmm. Anyhow, one day I'm just sitting around, minding my own business, when a Drell comes up, who's obviously had one too many wowies. Well, I got his joy-stopper away from him, and shot him twice, right through the gnorl. Then I made my way back to Cincinnati.

  Bailey Quarters : But you're okay now.

  Mrs. Woodruff : Oh, yes. Except they're still after me. Uh, Ernst wants our son back. I can't really blame him.