The Venture Bros. (TV Series)

Mid-Life Chrysalis (2004)

Christopher McCulloch: Hank Venture, The Monarch, Monarch Henchmen

Quotes 

• Dr. Venture : I have something to show you all! Those of you with weak stomachs should leave now! What you are about to see is a nightmare, inexplicably torn from the pages of Kafka!

  [reveals he has transformed into a large caterpillar] 

  Hank Venture : Holy crap! What happened?

  Dr. Venture : Apparently this is the reward I get for years of screwing with super-science. In short, I pissed in God's eye - and He blinked.

  Hank Venture : [pokes Dr. Venture]  Golly, does it hurt?

  Dr. Venture : No. But the poking does, let's stop that now.

  Hank Venture : Sorry. Hey, what's H.E.L.P.eR. gotten into?

  [H.E.L.P.eR. is holding Dr. Venture's shed skin] 

  Dr. Venture : That appears to be my dermis.

  Hank Venture : Wow! Bet if you put that under your pillow, the Tooth Fairy'll give you, like, a grand!

  Dr. Venture : Okay, Hank? You are taking this way too well.

  Hank Venture : Well, gee Dad, we've seen a lot of strange stuff over the years. Last week we were fighting a giant dinosaur!

  Dr. Venture : Granted, but I wasn't the dinosaur! Can't you see where this is maybe different?

• Hank Venture : [hands Brock a tiny lunchbox]  I packed a lunch for you. Bologna and cheese. And I cut the crusts off the way *I* like.

  Dean Venture : And I downloaded a bunch of crib notes into your communicator watch. You get stuck on one of the hard questions, just look it up.

• [Brock is doing push ups, Hank steps on his back] 

  Hank Venture : You're nothing! You're weak! Why do you even wanna be a secret agent, boy? You think you're good enough?

  Brock Samson : Hank, seriously, when I get my license back I'm allowed to kill you.

  Hank Venture : Sorry, Brock.

  [quickly removes his foot] 

• Brock Samson : Little worried about that hickey, Doc.

  [Dr. Venture's is halfway covered in swelling redness] 

  Dr. Venture : Oh, Brock, don't worry. I'm not falling in love!... And what would be wrong with that if I was? The boys need a new mommy. Rusty needs a new mommy.

  Hank Venture : We don't even know who our old mommy was.