- Charlie Harper: [tired of arguing with Jake] This conversation's over.
- Jake Harper: Not if I keep talking.
- Judith Harper: Well, you could have picked up the phone and given me a heads-up.
- Alan Harper: Pick up the phone? Judith, I needed barbecue tongs to take a leak!
- Jake Harper: [Charlie and Jake are eating at a Clucky's restaurant in the Watts district] This isn't the Clucky's my mom takes me to.
- Charlie Harper: [annoyed] No kidding.
- Jake Harper: Where are we, anyway?
- Charlie Harper: It's called Watts.
- [a big, intimidating black man walks past their table and Charlie nervously smiles, but grows scared]
- Charlie Harper: Now, hurry up and finish your chicken!
- Jake Harper: Can I go back up and get some Cajun Clucky's?
- Charlie Harper: No, eat what you got.
- Jake Harper: But I like the Cajun Clucky's better.
- Charlie Harper: Then, why did you order the Regular Clucky's?
- Jake Harper: Because I forgot I liked the Cajun Clucky's.
- Charlie Harper: [annoyed] Oh, just eat the freaking chicken!
- Jake Harper: Fine. By the way, why do you say "freaking"? I know what you mean, I'm not a little kid anymore.
- Charlie Harper: [aggravated] Eat! Don't talk! EAT!
- [his outburst quiets the restaurant, resulting in everyone giving Charlie dirty looks. He looks at another black guy sitting across from him]
- Charlie Harper: 'Sup?
- Jake Harper: Hey, don't just talk about me like I'm not here.
- Charlie Harper: Keep yapping and you won't be.
- Betsy: I'm Betsy.
- Charlie Harper: [shaking her hand] Charlie.
- Jake Harper: Jake.
- Charlie Harper: Nobody asked you.
- Jake Harper: I was right. The Cajun Clucky's is way better.
- Charlie Harper: [annoyed] I'll notify Zagat's.
- Jake Harper: Hey, could we stop at the video store before we get some ice cream?
- Charlie Harper: Who said we're stopping at the video store?
- Jake Harper: I want to rent the new Final Fantasy.
- Charlie Harper: Yeah, well, I want my $80,000 Mercedes *not* to smell like chicken, but life's full of little disappointments.
- Jake Harper: Okay, forget the ice cream. We'll just stop at the video store.
- Charlie Harper: Jake, I'm tired. I've got a headache. I just paid $100 to get my car back from the chicken valet and I want to go home.
- Jake Harper: Oh, come on! It'll only take a minute!
- Charlie Harper: Look, Jake, you might be able to bully your parents into doing whatever you want, but when *I* say no, that's it!
- Jake Harper: All right, I guess I won't have a video game to play this weekend.
- Charlie Harper: Exactly. You'll find something else to do.
- Jake Harper: Right. It'll be just you and me.
- [Charlie thinks about that and decides to go to the video store, after all]
- Jake Harper: [Charlie and Jake show up at Judith's house] What are we doing here?
- Charlie Harper: I'm taking you back to your mother.
- Jake Harper: Why?
- Charlie Harper: Why? I'll tell you why. Because you're no fun anymore. Because the whole "isn't he cute?" thing is over and I'll tell you something else: if this is just a prelude to what you're gonna be like as a teenager, then we've got a serious problem!
- Jake Harper: [annoyed] Whatever.
- Charlie Harper: You see? Right there! That attitude does *not* fly with me!
- Jake Harper: Whatever.
- Charlie Harper: [Charlie begins developing chest pains and holds his chest] God, I hope that's the chicken.
- Jake Harper: Shh! I'm trying to concentrate.
- Charlie Harper: Don't shush me. Never shush me!
- Jake Harper: Whatever.
- Charlie Harper: [Charlie starts holding his chest in pain, again] Please be the chicken.