Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Those Big Pink Things with Coconut (2005)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Quotes 

• Judith Harper : [to Alan, who was trying to pretend he wasn't home]  Why were you hiding?

  Charlie Harper : Why does the wounded gazelle hide from the stealthy jaguar? Why does the helpless piglet hide from the ravenous wolverine?

• Evelyn Harper : [Evelyn's in the hospital faking heart trouble, Charlie repeatedly pulls a heart monitor plug in and out]  Charlie, what in God's name are you doing?

  Charlie Harper : Just practicing.

• Charlie Harper : Wow. Texas used to be a separate country. Why did we change that?

• Evelyn Harper : I see! So you're *both* turning against me!

  Charlie Harper : No, I turned a looong time ago. Alan's just catching up.

• Charlie Harper : [about their Mom]  You can't show weakness, Alan, she'll sense it. Like the hooded cobra senses the rapid heartbeat of a panic-stricken kangaroo rat.

  Alan Harper : But, don't you feel even a little bit sorry for her?

  Charlie Harper : Does the mongoose feel sorry for the wounded garden snake? Does the dingo feel sorry for the slow-crawling Australian baby?