Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Phase One, Complete (2003)

Angus T. Jones: Jake Harper

Quotes 

• Jake : I understand.

  Charlie : Do you?

  Jake : No, I'm just tired and I don't care anymore.

• Charlie : Look, Jake, I'm sorry about the Wendy thing, but there's nothing I can do about it. And I want us to be buddies again. I don't want you to hate me any more.

  Jake : I don't hate you.

  Charlie : Good.

  Jake : I'm just very disappointed in you.

  Charlie : Hey! I get enough of that crap from my mother!

• Jake : [Charlie plans on dumping a woman whom Jake likes, and Alan thinks is great for him]  I don't understand.

  Alan Harper : It's very simple, buddy. Uncle Charlie is nuts.

  Charlie : Yeah, nuts like a fox!

  Jake : So, then, Wendy can't take me rollerblading any more?

  Charlie : Nope.

  Jake : No more movies?

  Charlie : 'Fraid not.

  Jake : Boy, you suck.

  [he leaves, disgusted] 

  Charlie : Suck? How do I suck?

  Alan Harper : Like a fox!

  Charlie : [much later, Charlie finally explains to Jake why he dumped Wendy]  So, we're cool?

  Jake : Yeah.

  Charlie : Good. Good night.

  Jake : [just before Charlie leaves]  Uncle Charlie, does this mean you don't have nuts like a fox?

  Charlie : [reflecting on Jake's accidental wisdom]  Yeah. That's what it means.

• Charlie : [In the shower, with Wendy. Pokes his head out of the shower curtain]  Jake, I'm not alone in here!

  Jake : Who is it?

  Charlie : A friend of mine.

  Jake : Is it a girl?

  Charlie : Hold on, let me check.

  [Charlie ducks his head back into the shower, then reappears] 

  Charlie : Oh, yeah!