Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

No Sniffing, No Wowing (2004)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : Charlie, stop sniffing the paralegals.

• Charlie : Hey, you still got your old garage door clicker, right?

  Alan Harper : Yeah.

  Charlie : So, let Judith have the books and then one night maybe someone goes and gets them back.

  Alan Harper : Wonderful. Breaking and entering.

  Charlie : It's not breaking if you have the clicker!

  Alan Harper : More good advice.

  Charlie : And it's free! So, hang up, let's get that beer!

  Alan Harper : [on the phone]  Oh. Oh, sure I'll hold.

  [to Charlie] 

  Alan Harper : They're patching me through to her cell phone.

  [cell phone rings upstairs] 

  Alan Harper : What's that?

  Charlie : That? Th-tha-that is coincidentally *my* cell phone!

• Charlie : These divorce lawyers have a good business don't they?

  Alan Harper : Yeah, in the same way locusts have a good business!