- Alan Harper: [to Berta, as Isabella walks out] What are you doing?
- Berta: [hastily putting on jacket] Leaving!
- Alan Harper: Why?
- Berta: Did you see that bitch? You've got to put a whole lot of gone between you and a broad like that!
- Isabella: You know, people like you have been persecuting people like me for thousands of years.
- Alan Harper: Hmm. Well, that's a bit hard to believe seeing as people like me have historically been victims and food.
- Charlie: Secret elixir, huh? Well, I'm usually more of a bourbon guy but when push comes to shove I don't know what the hell's in that either.
- Berta: [to Alan about his inflamed eye] Looks like you got bit in the face by one of them ebola monkeys!... I mean, you weren't exactly eye-candy going in, but now... Wuff! You could scare the flys off a manure truck.
- Charlie: [noticing he's the only male guest, at Isabella's party] So where are all the guys? How come I'm the only weenie in this pot of beans?
- Alan Harper: [handing the telephone to Charlie] Mom wants to ask you something.
- Charlie: [taking the telephone, cheerfully says] Hi, Mom, *no*!
- [hangs up]