- [Titus ruins Erin's therapy session when he finds out she used him]
- Erin Fitzpatrick: [seeing his family] Hey, I didn't know they were watching, I thought it was just my class!
- Christopher Titus: Oh, so it's all right to gut me emotionally in front of strangers, huh?
- Erin Fitzpatrick: Oh my God... but we had a breakthrough, and you still trust me, right?
- Christopher Titus: Yeah - hope you get an A...
- [He leaves]
- Erin Fitzpatrick: Christopher...!
- Dave Titus: Erin, there's glass - don't hurt your feet!
- [neutral space]
- Christopher Titus: No one's really happy. And until therapists realize that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a necessary part of existence, the sooner they will realise that their use is COMPLETELY WORTHLESS! No - they have WORTH DEFICIT DISORDER!
- [switches off the bulb]
- [Erin and Titus are seeing a therapist, while the rest of the family is watching them, hidden by a one-way glass panel. Erin has finally gotten Titus to confess he trusts her]
- Christopher Titus: [crying] You're right, I do trust you, I do!
- Ken Titus: Wussy!
- Erin Fitzpatrick: It's OK, Christopher, it's OK, we trust each other now, and it's all OK.
- Christopher Titus: Come on, let's make out on the shrink's desk!
- [Everybody rushes for the panel for a better look...]
- Ken Titus: My head is perfectly proportionate to my body!
- Amy Fitzpatrick: Yeah, if you were in a Peanuts cartoon!
- [first lines]
- Christopher Titus: Nobody's really happy. We used to be, before the psychologists made everything a syndrome. Or a dis-order. Before then, you weren't obsessive compulsive. You were, clean. You weren't schizophrenic, you were just damned good at impressions. There was no attention deficit disorder. I need a new chair. Are those drapes or a blind. My butt itches. Do we have a TV ?
- [last lines]
- Christopher Titus: Nobody's really happy. And as soon as society realises that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a natural part of existence, the sooner the therapists will realise that they are WORTHLESS! Sorry. They have WORTH DEFICIT DISORDER!