- Christopher Titus: [after being called whitey] Okay, we're on for a thousand. Assuming I'm whitey.
- Dave: But I thought I was whitey!
- Christopher Titus: [slapping Dave's head] Dave!
- Castro: Oh, you're definitely whitey, ese.
- David: I thought I was ese!
- Castro: [slapping David's head] David!
- [first lines]
- Christopher Titus: Love. It's God's greatest gift. He fills our world with it and makes sure we grow up with caring, supportive parents.
- [laughs]
- Christopher Titus: I'm just kidding. Pain is God's greatest gift. Pain is God's way of saying, "Hurts, don't it ? Wel,, go ahead. Say, me dammit again."
- 5-Year Old Titus: [flashback of Titus learning to ride a bicycle] Dad, I don't want to go again. I'm not good at this.
- Ken Titus: You will be.
- [Ken lets Christopher go; screaming is heard, followed by sounds of a crash]
- Ken Titus: Huh? Duct tape! You fell, but you didn't fall off.