That '70s Show (TV Series)

Holy Crap! (2000)

Wilmer Valderrama: Fez

Quotes 

• Fez : [in the Circle in the basement]  I don't want to get into a religious argument, but my god can kick your God's ass.

  Steven Hyde : God is dead, man. It said so in Time Magazine.

  Leo : No, man. I sat next to God once on the bus. He told me the meaning of life and then he gave me a pretzel.

  Steven Hyde : So, what's the meaning of life, man?

  Leo : Uh - yeah. I guess I should'a written it down. But it was a good pretzel, man!

  Eric Forman : Maybe this life doesn't even matter, y'know. Maybe we're not even here. Or, no, maybe I'm here, but you're not.

  Eric Forman : [suddenly desperate and feeling alone]  Hello?

  Michael Kelso : Y'know what the best thing God ever did was? Boobs!

  Fez : Yes. And God said, "Let there be boobs!" and then there were boobs.

  Steven Hyde : Hey, if God is all-powerful, can he make a boob so big that even *he* can't lift it?

  Leo : That's a good question, man. I'll ask him next time I'm on the bus.

• Michael Kelso : Ever since Jackie left, I'm no good at pinball.

  Fez : You were never good at pinball.

  Steven Hyde : Let's look at the bright side of not having Jackie. First, no Jackie. Second, now you can do all the things that you could never do when you were with her, man. Which was, at last count... everything!

  Michael Kelso : Oh, man. You're right. Y'know, Jackie never ever wanted me to, like, cheat on her, or grow a beard and I always wanted to. And now I can let this grow out.

  [he strokes his chin] 

  Fez : May I grow one, too?

  Michael Kelso : I dunno, Fez. The two of us growin' beards together - isn't that kinda girly?

  Fez : Well, I just figure, the more the hairier.

  [Fez enjoys his own pun, but realizes no one else is laughing] 

  Fez : Oh, I'm surrounded by idiots.