That '70s Show (TV Series)

Eric's Burger Job (1998)

Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ricky : Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?

  Eric : I think it will be a wonderful experience.

  Michael Kelso : My girlfriend's dad owns it.

  Fez : I love the uniforms.

  Steven Hyde : To unite the workers, man.

  Ricky : What do you consider to be your best quality?

  Eric : I'm a real people person.

  Steven Hyde : I don't answer stupid questions.

  Fez : I speak Dutch.

  Michael Kelso : My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt, too.

  Ricky : Name something about yourself that is a weakness.

  Eric : I allow people to boss me around.

  Fez : I love chocolate.

  Steven Hyde : I'm brutally honest. Pinhead.

  Michael Kelso : Um...

  [falls backward in chair] 

  Ricky : Where do you see yourself in five years?

  Eric : Fatso Burger.

  Fez : Covered in gold chains.

  Michael Kelso : Rock star. No, movie star. No, yeah, rock star.

  Steven Hyde : Prison.

• Eric : Hey, would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?

  Donna Pinciotti : Town dump, no. State dump?... Why are you getting a job, anyway?

  Eric : Everything costs money. Gas, clothes, fun...

  Michael Kelso : Dates. Dates cost money.

  Fez : No, Kelso. That is prostitution.

  Steven Hyde : Dates *are* prostitution, man, except you don't always get what you paid for.

  Donna Pinciotti : Says the man who's never had a girlfriend.

  Steven Hyde : Hey, you guys remember Andrea, the biker chick?

  Eric : Whatever happened to her?

  Steven Hyde : [proud]  She's dating my uncle.

• Jackie Burkhart : Wait. So, your parents are going to be out of town?

  Donna Pinciotti : Yeah. It's just going to be me alone Saturday. Well, I'm babysitting my sister, Tina. I'll watch some TV, maybe order a pizza.

  Michael Kelso : Let's have a party! A toga party!

  Jackie Burkhart : Michael, maybe she doesn't want to have a party. Maybe she wants to be alone.

  Donna Pinciotti : Well, it'd just be me, but if someone happens to come by, that'll be cool.

  Michael Kelso : So, we're on! I'll bring the beer!

  Fez : Donna, I've never been to an American party. May I come?

  Donna Pinciotti : I don't care. So, Eric, will you be there?

  Eric : Eric:

  [not looking up from the newspaper] 

  Eric : Yeah, sure.

  Jackie Burkhart : [Donna leaves the basement and Jackie smacks Eric and Kelso across the backs of their heads]  You are both so stupid!

  Steven Hyde : That's a first! I actually agree with Jackie!

  [to Eric] 

  Steven Hyde : She totally put on a full court press, man, and you dropped the ball!

  Eric : What are you talking about? All she said was, she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza... Oh, my God, I'm so stupid!

• Steven Hyde : Hello, my minimum wage friend. I demand service.

  Eric : Welcome to Fatso Burger. How may I serve you?

  Steven Hyde : That is so sad, Burger Boy!

  Michael Kelso : Jackie, I've been wracking my brain trying to think of why this guy didn't hire me.

  Jackie Burkhart : Michael, I'm so sick of hearing this. You've still got me.

  Michael Kelso : I'm good looking and he's jealous! This body's a curse!

  Jackie Burkhart : If you worked, you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted, lover.

  [They kiss] 

  Fez : Please! Stop touching! It gives me needs.