Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

The Third Pig (1996)

John Kassir: Crypt Keeper, Narrator

Quotes 

• Crypt Keeper : [to the vampire]  Hmm, "Son of Dracula." "Return of the Son of Dracula." "The Son of Dracula's Revenge!" Is that all you can do? Vampire movies! I'm afraid that's not good enough. You'd have to be a bite more versatile to be on the frighting staff of "Tales from the Crypt."

  [the vampire turns into a bat that flies away as the Crypt Keeper notices the viewers] 

  Crypt Keeper : Oh, hello creeps! As you can see, we got an opening for a story deaditor. I've been conducting chop interviews all morning. No one seems to get what I'm looking for! Oh well, let's see who's next.

  [pulls a book towards him] 

  Crypt Keeper : Interesting, a brother team. Grimm. I think I've heard of them. This has potential boils and ghouls. it's a twisted kind of gorytelling about three scaracters you may recognize... at first. It's called The Third Pig.

• Crypt Keeper : I don't know about you kiddies, but I was glad to see the Wolf hit one out of the pork. Still an hour from now, he'll be hungry again and bacon for more.

  [pans out to show a man tied up on the Crypt Keeper's desk] 

  Crypt Keeper : You'll be happy to know creeps that it looks like that opening I told you about has been filled... once we hammer out a few creative stifferences that is.

  [hits the man on the head with a hammer]