Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime (1994)

John Kassir: Crypt Keeper

Quotes 

• Crypt Keeper : From over seas and underworld, it's the Crypt Keeper Noose Network. Good evening crypts. In the news tonight, wolfman bites dog, vampires say life sucks, mummy takes the wrap after years in "de Nile," and illiterate zombies insist they're better dead than read.

  [the Crypt Keeper than removes a dagger from his head] 

  Crypt Keeper : This just in.

  [tosses the dagger aside] 

  Crypt Keeper : And our top story tonight is a nasty little soundbite about an ambulance-chasing lawyer whose about to bleed the toughest case of her life. I call it "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime."

• Crypt Keeper : Talk about trial and terror. Still, I think Geri will do just fine. I mean aside from the occasional attack of motion sickness. And now it's time for business news. So Chip, what happened on the shock exchanges today.

  [the Crypt Keeper sees a dagger on the back of Chip's dead body as he spurts blood] 

  Crypt Keeper : Oh! Oh sorry, looks like it's time for the spurts report instead.

  [laughs] 

  Crypt Keeper : Oh boy!