- Odo: I have a friend at Starfleet Intelligence, and she has a friend who has a cousin who's married to the assistant of one of the members of the Federation Medical Council.
- Doctor Bashir: Really?
- Odo: And according to my friend, her friend heard something from his cousin that his wife heard from the council member that I thought you might find interesting.
- Doctor Bashir: Which is?
- Odo: Doctor Wade is not going to win the Carrington.
- [last lines]
- [Zek has been restored to his former self, with some help from Quark]
- Quark: There's only one thing that bothers me. Now, don't get me wrong, I was honored to help the Nagus; but it would've been nice if I'd been able to make a little profit for my troubles.
- Rom: That's all right. I made enough profit for the both of us.
- Quark: What're you talking about?
- Rom: I'm talking about the Ferengi Benevolent Association. Did you know it was funded with Zek's personal fortune? I was the senior administrator, Brother.
- Quark: You embezzled money, from the Nagus?
- Rom: Surprise!
- Quark: Father would be proud!
- [O'Brien and Bashir are trying their hands at darts]
- Doctor Bashir: I don't know about this.
- Chief O'Brien: You'd rather play a game of racquetball?
- Doctor Bashir: Chief, since Keiko's been on Bajor, we've played 106 games of racquetball.
- Chief O'Brien: Right. So throw a dart.
- [Quark and Rom are trying to make sense of the new Rules]
- Quark: It must be some kind of code. Read me the first word of every Rule.
- Rom: [flipping through the first Rules] "If"... "Never"... "Keep"... "Profit"... "A"... "Good"... "Smile"... "Honesty"...
- [Quark interrupts him with a shout, then repeats the words]
- Quark: "If never keep profit a good smile honesty."
- Rom: What does it mean, Brother?
- Quark: It means... absolutely nothing!
- [Dr. Bashir has been nominated for the Carrington Award]
- Doctor Bashir: Do you know what the average life expectancy of a Carrington Award winner is? Five years. Ten at the very best; and do you know why? Because the Carrington Award is intended to be the crowning achievement for a lifetime in medicine. April Wade is 106. The last time she was nominated, three years ago, people said it was premature!
- Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: You're exaggerating!
- Doctor Bashir: Maybe, a little. But the undeniable truth is, I am way too young to be a serious contender for the Carrington. Now, put my name up for nomination in seventy years, and I promise you I will get very excited.
- Doctor Bashir: The only one that has a reason to celebrate is Ghee P'Trell.
- Odo: Perhaps, but P'Trell is by no means as popular as Dr. Wade.
- Doctor Bashir: According to your friend.
- Odo: Actually, according to my friend's friend's...
- Doctor Bashir: I get the picture.
- Odo: The point is, if it's not going to be Wade, it could be anyone - P'Trell, Senva, Roget... even you.
- Doctor Bashir: I didn't think I was gonna win before; and I don't think I'm going to win now.
- Odo: Is that a fact? Then, why have you been working on your acceptance speech?
- [startled, Bashir looks at the PADD he's been working on]
- Doctor Bashir: How did you know?
- Odo: Just a guess.
- [smiles and leaves]
- Zek: [in Quark's vision] Looking for answers? You couldn't find them if they were dangling from your lobes.
- Emi: Quark - I can't wait any longer. Why don't you and I go down to Cargo Bay 11 and... sign the contract?
- Quark: No need to rush. Your family's ship won't be here for a week. We'll have plenty of time to finalize the deal before then.
- Emi: That's an unusual attitude for a Ferengi.
- Quark: I'm a very unusual Ferengi.
- [Zek has passed a medical test with flying colors]
- Zek: [handing Bashir a strip of latinum] Here, Doctor, for your trouble.
- Doctor Bashir: I can't accept that.
- Zek: Why not? It's only money. Donate it to charity, if you'd like.
- Quark: And you say he's not sick.
- Quark: [to Bashir] I can't believe you're supposed to be one of the five best doctors in the Federation. If you ask me, you're a quack. No wonder everyone says you don't have a chance to win the Carrington.
- Quark: I have been accommodating long enough! If the Negus wants to stay on the station, he's gonna have to find someplace else to live!
- Maihar'du: [to Quark, Maihar'du's one and only line in the series while in the guise of a Prophet] Then why are you here?
- [Rom is reading the newly revised Rules of Acquisition; an aggrieved and flustered Quark is getting impatient]
- Quark: Skip to the end.
- [Rom obeys. He pauses as he silently reads the last rule]
- Quark: [impatiently] Well, what does it say?
- Rom: You're... not going to like this, brother.
- Quark: I can take it.
- Rom: [reading] Rule of Acquisition... 185... Every good deed... has it's own reward.
- Quark: [Quark begins to hyperventilate. He looks like he is going to faint]
- Rom: [worried] Brother, Are you all right?
- Quark: [weakly] I-I-I just need to sit down.
- [Quark sits on the window ledge and fans himself with his hand. Rom tries to cool Quark down by using the book as a fan]
- Quark: [whimpers; waving the book away] Oh, take it away!
- Rom: Sorry.
- Quark: [to Rom; upon being asked why he is insisting that Rom should be the one to talk to Grand Nagus Zek] Zek likes me, so I cannot effort to get on his wrong side. However, he doesn't acknowledge your existence... so *You* have nothing to lose!
- [Quark proceeds to push a numb and fearful Rom to the door]
- Quark: Now... *Get* in here and tell the Nagus that he'll have to leave!
- [Quark has forced Rom to answer the door to get Zek to leave. The door opens to reveal a mellow yet amicable Zek]
- Zek: [happily] Rom! What can I do for you, my boy?
- Rom: [nervously; on his knees] Grand Nagus! Forgive me for disturbing you.
- Zek: [helping Rom up to his feet] Who's disturbed? I was hoping someone would drop by. Now, come right in.
- Quark: [darting out from the shadows where he was hiding] Ah... Thank you, we'd be delighted.
- Zek: [mock accusatory tone] Quark...
- [amicably]
- Zek: I knew you were lurking around here somewhere.
- [Zek and Quark exchange high-pitched giggles]
- [First lines; A beatific Quark is receiving oo-mox from a beautiful alien woman]
- Emi: Am I doing it right?
- Quark: [breathily] You don't have to be so gentle.
- [Emi massages his ears a little more firmly; Quark gasps with relaxation and pleasure. Emi talks to Quark as she continues to massage his ears]
- Emi: Tell me again,
- Quark: Tell you about what?
- Emi: About the stem bolts.
- Quark: [slowly and titillatingly; as an increasingly excited Emi continues to massage his ears] I have... one hundred gross... of self... sealing stem bolts... sitting in cargo bay... eleven.
- Emi: [excited] And they're all mine?
- Quark: For only ten bars of gold-pressed latinum.
- [Emi giggles couquettishly as she lightly taps Quark's ears with her fingertips. Quark's eyes bug out as he quivers with sensual pleasure]
- Emi: [happily] Oh Quark, you don't know what this means to me!
- Quark: [in ecstasy] You don't know what *this* means to *me*!
- Emi: [to Quark; about the stem bolts he is going to sell her] Oh Quark... I can't wait any longer.
- [getting up so that she is facing him. She puts her hand on his chest; seductively]
- Emi: Why don't you... and I... . go down to cargo bay nine and... sign the contract?
- Quark: No need your rush. Your family's ship won't be here for a week.
- [he glides her hand to his ear, wanting to experience a little more oo-mox]
- Quark: We'll have plenty of time to finalize the deal before then.
- Emi: [genuinely surprised] That's an unusual attitude for a Ferengi.
- Quark: [smiles] I'm a very unusual Ferengi.
- [Quark has kidnapped a brainwashed Zek and is taking him to the wormhole to confront the Prophets via the Nagus's private spaceship]
- Zek: You know, my boy... I should be very angry with you.
- Quark: [hopefully] Are you?
- Zek: [dismissively] Ah! Not in the slightest!
- Zek: [as he speaks Zek gives Quark a good-humored pinch on the ear. Quark's eyes bug out with alarm] I just can't help myself! I LIKE YOOOOOUUUUU!
- [Quark has just successfully negotiated with the prophets and is sent back to the ship. He sits on the floor, dazed]
- Zek: Quark? Quark? Quark, are you all right?
- Quark: [hesitantly] I... think so. Are you all right?
- Zek: [grumpily] Oh, stop toadying up to me, Quark! It's revolting!
- [Zek struggles out of his overcoat]
- Zek: Just get me out of here! I have an orb to sell to the Bajorans!
- Quark: Did you say 'sell'?
- Zek: I am gonna make 'em pay through the nose!
- [Zek cackles. He stops as he remembers something]
- Zek: Speaking of nose... Where is my beetle snuff!
- Quark: [overjoyed] Oh Nagus, you're back! I'm so happy!
- [Quark jumps up and give Zek a hug as he laughs joyfully]
- Zek: Oh! You're wrinkling my suuiiit!
- Quark: [letting Zek go; mild-mannered] Oh... whatever you say.
- Rom: [to Quark] Are you sure this is a good idea? No one has seen the Nagus since he arrived here. If you disturb him, he'll be very angry.
- Quark: I'm not going to disturb him. You are.
- Rom: [alarmed] Me? Why not you?
- Quark: [smirks] Zek likes me, so I can't afford to be on his bad side. On the other hand, he barely acknowledges your existence... So YOU have nothing to lose!
- [Quark proceeds to push a scared-stiff Rom towards the door]
- Quark: Now... *GET IN THERE* and tell the Nagus that he'll have to leave. And whatever happens, don't Maihar'du intimidate you. Hm?
- [Quark rings the doorbell, and hides in a shadowy corners of a the bulkhead]
- Rom: [out of his mind with fear] *Where are you going?*
- Quark: Don't worry. If you need me, I'll be close by.