- Isaac: Oh, I know all about his problems. You know, the network knows about his problems, too. As a result of which they've become my problems and I'm saying that at the very most, I want them to be YOUR problems.
- Dana Whitaker: Name three things.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Improve their free-throw percentage...
- Natalie: Yes.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Run the floor...
- Dana Whitaker: Okay. One more.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Tell Spike Lee to sit down and shut up?
- Natalie: Excellent!
- Dana Whitaker: Well, welcome to Sports Night.
- [Casey is considering quitting his job]
- Casey McCall: Look, I got into this because I like getting people to like sports. And I've turned into a PR man for punks and thugs. And any atrocity, no matter how ridiculous, or hideous, or childish, it doesn't matter. I make it sports. Ten-cent bagman whacks a skater's leg with a crowbar, that's sports. Second round draft pick gets cranky in a Houston bar, and that's sports. And let's not forget the mother of all great sports stories - a double homicide in Brentwood.
- Dana Whitaker: I love producing Sports Night. I live from eleven to midnight and the rush is so huge, I don't come down 'till three o'clock in the morning. I love doing Sports Night, and you used to, too.
- Casey McCall: Natalie, if you shout into a microphone when I'm wearing an earpiece, it poses the question "Is there a decibel level at which the human head will just, you know, explode?"
- Dan Rydell: Why are we quoting high-level sources inside the Swiss Olympic Committee on Helsinki's bid for the 2010 Olympics?
- Dana Whitaker: What's the problem?
- Dan Rydell: Helsinki's in Finland.
- Dana Whitaker: Really?
- Dan Rydell: Yeah. Don't worry. I got it.
- Dana Whitaker: Are you sure?
- Dan Rydell: Am I sure that Helsinki's in Finland? Yeah. I'm quite sure.
- Will: I thought it was in Sweden.
- Chris: It says "unnamed Swiss Olympic officials."
- Natalie Hurley: [shouting] Graphics, which is it? Sweden or Switzerland?
- Casey McCall: It's in FINLAND!
- Casey McCall: He's made eight field goal attempts in three games and has connected in the grand total of none of them.
- Elliot: Oh, I've met him. He's a good guy.
- Casey McCall: He can't kick.
- Natalie Hurley: He IS a good guy.
- Casey McCall: He can't kick.
- Natalie Hurley: He'll get picked up by another team.
- Casey McCall: No he won't. You know why?
- Elliot: Why?
- Casey McCall: Cause he can't kick!
- J.J.: Can't we find a good-looking 22-year-old American who might actually win?
- Dana Whitaker: Well, if you find him, send him over to my place.
- Casey McCall: I speak four languages!
- Dan Rydell: You speak three languages.
- Casey McCall: I speak four languages.
- Dan Rydell: You speak German, French, and Italian.
- Casey McCall: I dabble in a little English.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Mrs. Whitaker, I would be great at this job. You've got to believe me when I tell you I've been training my whole life for it. I've crunched stats, I've broken down film, and there wasn't a team at my high school that didn't have me for an equipment manager. I have read every box score in every newspaper that's printed in English and has a sports section, and I have seen "Sports Night" every night since your first broadcast, two years, two months, and a week ago today. Now, yes, sure, indeed. I can tell you what Ewing and Oakley are shooting from the field, and that you're not gonna stop John Starks if he squares up to the basket, and put any defensive pressure on Charlie Ward, he's gonna fold like a cheap card table, but if you're asking me for genuinely sophisticated analyses, and I sense that you are, you gotta give me some time, at least twenty minutes. Did that make any sense?
- Dan Rydell: Casey's got Tampa Bay and the mighty Bengals of Cincinnati.
- Dana Whitaker: What's in Cincinnati?
- Dan Rydell: Well the mighty Bengals, for one thing.
- J.J.: My point is: at the moment, Casey has less on-air charm and charisma then my high school driving instructor. And you know it, Danny. Now I think that the time has come, for you to think about the possibility of another partner.
- Dan Rydell: I'm not gonna do the show with your high school driving instructor, JJ, if that's what you're asking me, okay?