South Park (TV Series)

Weight Gain 4000 (1997)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Johnson, Commercial Warning, Clyde, Officer Barbrady, Man in Crowd #2, Geraldo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kyle : Hey Stan. Did you see that rainbow this morning?

  Stan : Yeah. It was huge.

  Cartman : Eh. I hate those things.

  Kyle : Nobody hates rainbows.

  Stan : Yeah. What's there to hate about rainbows?

  Cartman : Well, you know. You'll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and they'll come marching in, and crawl up your leg, and start biting the inside of your ass, and you'll be all like, "Hey. Get out of my ass you stupid rainbows."

  Stan : Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?

  Cartman : I'm talking about rainbows. I hate those friggin' things.

  Kyle : Rainbows are those little arches of color that show up during a rainstorm.

  Cartman : Oh. RainBOWS. Oh yeah, I like those. Those are cool.

  Stan : What were you talking about?

  Cartman : Huh? Oh nothing. Forget it.

  Kyle : No. What marches in, crawls up your leg-...

  Cartman : Nothing.

  Kyle : ...and starts biting the inside of your ass?

  Cartman : Nothing.

• Cartman : Follow your dreams. You can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake.

• Cartman : I am not fat, I'm big-boned.

  Kyle : Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You're a big fat ass.

  Cartman : Nuh-uh!

  Kyle : Cartman, you have such a big fat ass that when you walk down the street people say, "GODDAMMIT, that's a big fat ass!"

  Man : Goddamn it, that's a big fat ass!

  Cartman : Hey!

• Stan Marsh : Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.

  Cartman : Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

  Stan Marsh : Dolphins are way smarter than you!

  Cartman : If they're so smart, why do they live in igloos?

  Stan Marsh : Dolphins don't live in igloos, that's Eskimos!

  Cartman : Dolphins, Eskimos, what's the difference? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap!

• Kyle : What are you drinking, Cartman?

  Cartman : Weight Gain 4000. It's helping me bulk up.

  Stan : Bulk up to what? Fat ass?

  Kyle : Super fat ass?

• Stan Marsh : Officer Barbrady, have you seen Mr. Garrison?

  Officer Barbrady : The schoolteacher? Wait a minute...

  [he flashes back to his encounter with Mr. Garrison] 

  Mr. Garrison : Officer Barbrady, do you know where I could get a good shot, er, view, of Kathy Lee?

  Officer Barbrady : Hmm, I bet the book depository would be a good bet... book depository... book depository... depository... depository!

  [back to the present] 

  Officer Barbrady : My God, he could be anywhere!

• Mr. Garrison : Congratulations, Eric, on writing the award-winning paper.

  Cartman : Kick ass.

  Stan : That's impossible. Cartman doesn't know a rainforest from a Pop-Tart.

  Cartman : Yeah, I do. Pop-Tarts are frosted.

• Mr. Garrison : I guess I'm not the only person in America who's thought of killing Kathie Lee Gifford.

• Mayor : And now, here to present the award for the environmental essay to our own Eric Kaufman... .

  Cartman : CARTMAN, GODDAMNIT!

• Cartman : Beefcake!

• Stan Marsh : Cartman doesn't know a rain forest from a pop-tart!

  Cartman : Yeah, I do! Pop-tarts are frosted!

• Cartman : This is sweet. Camera crews are setting up, and I'm lookin' totally ripped. Beefcake. Beefcake.

• Cartman : I'm gonna be on television. I'm gonna be on television.

  Stan : We don't believe for a minute that you won that contest fairly, fat boy.

  Cartman : Oh, stop defending your girlfriend for writing about some stupid fish.

  Stan : Dude, dolphins aren't stupid. They're inteligent and friendly.

  Cartman : Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonaise.

  Stan : Dolphins are way smarter than you.

  Cartman : Oh, yeah? If they're so smart, how come they live in igloos?

  Stan : Dude, that's not dolphins, that's Eskimos.

  Cartman : Dolphins, Eskimos, it's all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap.