South Park (TV Series)

Tom's Rhinoplasty (1998)

Isaac Hayes: Chef

Quotes 

• Chef : [gloomy]  Hello there, children.

  Cartman : Hey, Chef.

  Kyle Broflovski : How did your date with miss Ellen go?

  Chef : Not too good.

  Stan Marsh : What happened? Didn't you make sweet lovin' to her?

  Chef : No, no, no, she's not like that. You see, uh, how do I put this. Children, Miss Ellen doesn't exactly play for right team.

  [children look puzzled] 

  Chef : I-I-I-In other words, children, she not a member of the *heterosexual persuasion*.

  [the children still don't have a clue] 

  Chef : Don't you understand? She's a lesbian!

  Stan Marsh : A whatbian?

  Kyle Broflovski : A prebian?

  Chef : You boys don't know what a lesbian is?

  Stan Marsh : [to Kenny]  Kenny?

  [Kenny shrugs] 

  Stan Marsh : No, explain it to us, Chef.

  Chef : That-That's okey, eh b... look, all you need to know is, Miss Ellen is a lesbian, and that means she only likes other lesbians.

  Stan Marsh : Oh.

  Chef : Now move along, children, you're holding up the line.

  [they walk on] 

  Kyle Broflovski : Weak, dude! She only likes other lesbians?

  Stan Marsh : Hey man, if she only likes other lesbians, then all we gotta do is become lesbians too!

  Kyle Broflovski : Hey, yeah!

  Cartman : You guys, you know what? My grandma was Dutch-Irish, and my grandpa was lesbian, that makes me quarter lesbian!

• Chef : What's all this I'm hearing about a new teacher?

  Kyle Broflovski : Miss Ellen, dude. She's *beautiful*!

  Chef : Is she, like, Vanessa Williams beautiful or Toni Braxton beautiful? Or Pamela Anderson beautiful? Or is she Erin Grey in the second season of Buck Rogers beautiful?

  Stan Marsh : Yeah, that one.

  Chef : Woo, I gotta meet this woman!