South Park (TV Series)

Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut (1998)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Narrator, Dr. Mephesto, Mr. Garrison, Officer Barbrady, Cameraman, Abortion Clinic Receptionist, Dr. Doctor, Auditioning Actor #1, Auditioning Actor #2, Auditioning Actor #3, Man Portraying Barbrady, John Walsh, Man Portraying Mr. Hat, Governor, Bill Clinton, Ned Gerblansky

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mayor McDaniels : Officer Barbrady, pretend for just a minute that we had a competent law officer in our town. What would he do?

  Officer Barbrady : That's a good question ma'am. Let me get right on that... with thinking.

• [Jimbo and folks are stuck at Studio, they have to raffle off the next eatable person] 

  Uncle Jimbo : OK, until now, everyone has picked up a long stick. I will be next.

  [Jimbo picks up a stick from Barbrady's fist; a tall one] 

  Uncle Jimbo : Phew!

  [Mr. Garrison picks up a stick; a tall one] 

  Mr. Garrison : Phew!

  [Barbrady opens his fist; another tall one] 

  Officer Barbrady : Whooof!

  Uncle Jimbo : Barbrady, where the hell is the short one?

  Officer Barbrady : Eh, what?

  Uncle Jimbo : Someone has to get a short stick, so we know, who will lose!

  Officer Barbrady : Hmm... I always have played with wrong rules!

• Liane Cartman : [At the Unplanned Parenthood Clinic]  I want to have... an abortion.

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : Oh, well, we can do that. This must be a very difficult time for you, Mrs...

  Liane Cartman : Cartman. Yes, it's such a hard decision but I just don't feel like I can raise a child in this screwy world.

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : Yes, Ms. Cartman, if you don't feel fit to raise a child, an abortion probably is the answer. Do you know the actual time of conception?

  Liane Cartman : About 8 years ago.

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : [thinking]  I see... So the fetus is...

  Liane Cartman : 8 years old.

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : Ms. Cartman, 8 years old is a little late to be considering abortion.

  Liane Cartman : Really?

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : Yes, this is what we would refer to as the 40th trimester.

  Liane Cartman : But I just don't think I'm a fit mother.

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : But we prefer to abort babies a little earlier on. In fact, there's a law against abortions after the 2nd trimester.

  Liane Cartman : Well, I think you need to keep your laws off of my body!

  Abortion Clinic Receptionist : Hummm... I'm afraid I can't help you, Ms. Cartman. If you want to change the law, you'll have to speak with your congressman.

  Liane Cartman : Well, that's exactly what I intend to do! Good day.