South Park (TV Series)

Cancelled (2003)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Doctor, Narrator, Alien, Man in Audience, 'Earth' Announcer, Network Executive #1, Waitress

Quotes 

• [Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny are waiting by the school bus stop. This scene is a rehash of the series' first episode "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."] 

  Cartman , Stan , Kyle , Kenny : [singing]  School days, school days, teacher's golden rule days...

  [Ike jumps in next to Kyle] 

  Kyle : Ah, damn it!

  Cartman : What?

  Kyle : My God-damned little brother's trying to follow me to school, again!

  Ike Broflovski : Suck my balls.

  Kyle : No, Ike. You can't come to school with me!

  Cartman : Yeah! Go home, you little dildo!

  Kyle : Dude, for the last time, don't call my brother a dildo!

  Cartman : Alright, go home, you little semen-puking asshole dickhead!

  [as the boys laugh, Kyle picks up Ike by the legs and swings him sideways, whacking Cartman in the face] 

  Stan : Dude, sweet!

  Kyle : Yeah, check it out!

  [Puts Ike down] 

  Kyle : Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

  Ike Broflovski : Don't kick the God-damned baby!

  Kyle : Kick the baby!

  [Kyle kicks Ike to the other side of the street] 

• Cartman : Kyle, I swear, if I didn't have a guy's hand up my ass right now, I'd leap across the room and kick you in the nuts.

• Kyle : What is a proc-tologist, Chef?

  Chef : He's a doctor that specializes in your asshole, children.

  Stan : You mean at some point in this doctor's life, he decided he wanted to work on people's buttholes?

  Chef : That's right.

  Kyle : What a dick.

• Jeff : I'm afraid that Earth, a-all of Earth, is nothing but an intergalactic reality-TV show.

  Man : My God... we're famous!

• Proctologist : [diagnosing Cartman]  Wait, what's this?

  [a 20-meter-wide satellite dish deploys from Cartman's rectum] 

  Kyle : Are you okay?

  Eric Cartman : Dude. You know that feeling when you take a huge dump? Awesome!

  Chef : Well, doctor?

  Proctologist : I've never quite seen this before, uh, p - perhaps he just needs some hemmorhoid cream.

  [the satellite dish violently withdraws back inside Cartman] 

  Stan : You all right?

  Eric Cartman : You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up inside your ass? NO, I'M NOT ALL RIGHT!