The Sopranos (TV Series)
Army of One (2001)
Robert Iler: A.J. Soprano
Photos
Quotes
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : I work hard all day to pay for this six thousand-square foot house, big-screen TVs, food on the table, video games, all kinds of scooters and bicycles, Columbia University, and for what? To come home to this?
A.J. Soprano : Sucks to be you.
[slaps AJ]
Carmela Soprano : [gasps] My God, Tony!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : There's more where that came from! We're starting a new regime around here!
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [while reading through military school brochures during dinner] now this I like, "Highly Structured Environment."
Carmela Soprano : Which one is that?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : H.M.I. Hudson Military Institute: "A Second Century of Excellence."
A.J. Soprano : I never said I was going
Carmela Soprano : We're just looking honey
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : We're looking, and then your going
Carmela Soprano : [Answering the phone when it rang] hello? Oh, hi Marie, no, oh my God. Where's Rosalie?
Marie : She's right here, she can't come to the phone
Carmela Soprano : Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can
Carmela Soprano : [after hanging up] oh my God
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : What is it?
Carmela Soprano : Jackie Jr. was shot to death in the Boonton projects by drug dealers.
Carmela Soprano : [while running out the kitchen] I'm going over to Rosalie's
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [to A.J., after Carmella left, implying this is what happens when teenagers don't apply themselves academically and commit crimes] you see?
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [as AJ walks down the stairs in a military uniform] oh, Sgt. Bilko
Carmela Soprano : [Chastising him for teasing AJ] Tony
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Your right. I'm sorry. You shouldn't get too gloomy about this
Carmela Soprano : [Admiring him his appearance] My God Anthony, you know what? You look very handsome
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : She's right. You do
A.J. Soprano : Yeah, right
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [Referring to the slang term for the latissimus dorsi muscles] No, I'm serious. Tight suit like that shows off your lats
Carmela Soprano : Put on the hat?
A.J. Soprano : No way
Carmela Soprano : Please? You look so cute at the store
A.J. Soprano : They're not going to sew the hat
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Put the hat on for your mother
A.J. Soprano : No!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [Quickly stands up from the couch] what'd you say?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [after AJ put on the hat] Now, look at that. I'm serious you look very impressive
Carmela Soprano : My God, if I wasn't already married
A.J. Soprano : [after looking at himself in the mirror] I look like a total jerk-off
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : You do not. What're you crying?
A.J. Soprano : I don't want to go there
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : You need toughing up
Carmela Soprano : [while trying to adjust the bottom of his slacks] stand up straight
A.J. Soprano : I'm standing fuckin straight
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [Pointing at him] hey, you keep it up God damn it!
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Major Zwingli : [First meeting privately without AJ's parents] stealing an exam that's quite a personal defeat isn't it?
A.J. Soprano : It was wrong
Major Zwingli : That sounds pre-programmed. Is that how you saw your future self? When you were a younger man? A cheat?
A.J. Soprano : No
Major Zwingli : How'd you explain it?
A.J. Soprano : There's like all this academic pressure about getting into college, my school their like obsessed
Major Zwingli : Is "like academic pressure" or academic pressure?
A.J. Soprano : There's all this pressure, my parents too. My sister goes to Columbia and I know my parents expect me to go
Major Zwingli : Around here we call that "stinking thinking" precisely the same as an alcoholic. No one puts that drink to his lips but himself
A.J. Soprano : I'm not an alcoholic
Major Zwingli : How do we do things different here at HMI than at your former school?
A.J. Soprano : I don't know
Major Zwingli : Well, I realize you don't know I'm about to tell you. At your school and it's not a bad school your right there's too much emphasis on what's good for you. What's good for Johnny, what's good for Janie? Here, the higher good is the corps as general MacArthur said in his farewell address at the Point: "the corps, the corps, the corps."
A.J. Soprano : [Nods]
Major Zwingli : [while pointing to a blackboard listing their daily schedule] now how do we achieve this revolutionary change in thinking on your part? Cadet corps has first call in formation at O' five thirty each day, march in formation to first mess to O' six twenty, followed by dorm inspection O' seven hundred, classes to O' eight hundred to fourteen forty, athletic formation fifteen hundred except Thursdays, which is "drill" or "commander's time", nineteen hundred to twenty-one hundred is evening study time, taps lights out: twenty-two hundred hours what's missing? Give up? Television
A.J. Soprano : What's O' five thirty mean?
Major Zwingli : 5:30AM
Major Zwingli : [after AJ rolls his eyes] I just outlined for you a blue print for total self discipline that will take you through your entire life and that's your only question?
A.J. Soprano : Why do guys in the army, or like spies use that "O" thing to tell time?
Major Zwingli : That will be abundantly made clear to you, for now we have an expression around here: keep it simple
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Principal Cincotta : [In his office, to AJ and Egon, showing them their tests] imagine neither of you ever got so much as a passing grade on any geometry test and then the mid-term. Sister Agnes shared these with me: both of you ninety-six percent. Remarkable, I'd like to call your parents and share the good news with them
A.J. Soprano : Oh, you really don't have to
Principal Cincotta : What do you want to tell me? If you cooperate now, it'll be easier later
Principal Cincotta : [Referring to the janitor] I don't have to waste my time with you, it was both your urine that Mr. Lugumo spent two hours scrubbing. Your DNA was an exact match
Egon Kosma : [Begins to cry] oh, Jesus
A.J. Soprano : His the one who peed first! I didn't even have to pee until he did it. I could take another test. You can watch me
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Meadow Soprano : [Jokingly, after answering the phone while studying in her dorm] Taco Bell
A.J. Soprano : Hi
Meadow Soprano : Hey
A.J. Soprano : There's something I've got to tell you
Meadow Soprano : I heard
A.J. Soprano : How?
Meadow Soprano : Like mom's not totally going to tell me you got expelled?
A.J. Soprano : Not that
Meadow Soprano : I heard you "cracked" to the cop everything
A.J. Soprano : They had my DNA
Meadow Soprano : Moron, it takes like six weeks to get DNA tests
A.J. Soprano : Shit
Meadow Soprano : I've got to go
A.J. Soprano : No, I didn't tell you yet
Meadow Soprano : What?
A.J. Soprano : Jackie was doing a drug deal with some black dudes and they shot him, his like dead