The Sopranos (TV Series)

Another Toothpick (2001)

John Ventimiglia: Artie Bucco

Quotes 

• Artie Bucco : [after exiting the kitchen of his restaurant, jokingly referring to Christopher sitting next to Tony]  Wait a minute, who let this one in here?

  Tony Soprano : [jokingly, as Artie walks to their table]  Oh, Wolfgang fuckface

  Christopher Moltisanti : [as Artie pats on his shoulders]  Hey, Artie

  Artie Bucco : [to Christopher]  The man who stole her away

  Christopher Moltisanti : [to Tony who looks confused, referring to her quitting her job]  Adriana, she gave her notice

  Tony Soprano : [sarcastically to Artie when he sits down at their table and pours himself a glass of wine]  help yourself

  Artie Bucco : [points to Christopher before he nods]  You better be good to that girl... cocksucker

  Tony Soprano : no wonder the food sucks: Your supposed to cook with the wine Artie

  Artie Bucco : [referring to Adriana]  Three years, best hostess I ever had

  Artie Bucco : [points to Christopher]  This... piece of shit steals her away

  Tony Soprano : [noticing Christopher is becoming agitated]  Artie, come on

  Artie Bucco : [before playfully rubbing Christopher hair]  Oh come on, he knows I'm breakin his balls

  Artie Bucco : [to Christopher]  Seriously though, if I'm you, I'd hire a food taster. You don't want to fuck with a chef, my friend

  Christopher Moltisanti : [irritated]  Why? You think you're the only one who knows how to swing a meat cleaver?

  Artie Bucco : [does the Bras d'honneur gesture to Christopher]  Fuck you

  Tony Soprano : [implying to him he should stop insulting Christopher]  Artie...

• Tony Soprano : [after breaking up a fight between Artie and Christopher, referring to Adriana]  What the fuck is wrong with you? She's his fuckin fiancée

  Artie Bucco : I loved her, I fuckin love her now

  Tony Soprano : [surprised, laughs and pats Artie on his cheeks]  Do me a favor: don't ever fuckin say that again to anybody... ever

  Artie Bucco : oh, what am I? A joke?

  Tony Soprano : [pats him on his head]  Yeah, a stupid fuckin bald one, not to mention married?

  Artie Bucco : Can I tell you something? She's a cunt... my fuckin wife. A girl like Ade, that's a woman. I still have my hair

  Tony Soprano : She's a young girl, you're gonna be like Casey Kasem to her: it won't make a difference

  Tony Soprano : [after kissing his head]  Alright look, go in the back, get some coffee, go home and go the fuck to sleep

  Artie Bucco : [while trying to walk away]  I should go and apologize to Christopher

  Tony Soprano : [holds him back]  not right now: Let me talk to Chris... you go home

• Artie Bucco : [sitting at bar counter inside his restaurant, showing her the profits from the calculator receipts]  When it's right... it's right. We said we'd save the wine for a big night: check out these numbers

  Adriana La Cerva : [surprised at the amount]  Oh my God, I knew we were busy

  Artie Bucco : [while taking out two wine glasses]  Not bad, eh?

  Adriana La Cerva : I think I'm gonna pass: no wine tonight

  Artie Bucco : A night like this, your gonna make me drink alone?

  Artie Bucco : [jokingly touches her forehead to feel if she has a high temperature]  What is it? You, ok?

  Adriana La Cerva : Actually, you know I love it here and you're such a great boss... but Christopher doesn't want me working anymore, please don't be mad

  Adriana La Cerva : No, I'm not mad at all, I'm happy for you

  Adriana La Cerva : You know with this changing situation, you know how he is

  Artie Bucco : [jokingly referring to his restaurant]  You think I wanna be stuck in this "prison?"

  Adriana La Cerva : I really wanted to give you my notice, I was supposed to tell you two weeks ago but is it alright if tonight's my last night?

  Artie Bucco : Yeah, I guess I'll get Charmaine to cover

  Adriana La Cerva : [relieved and kissing him on the cheek]  I was so nervous on telling you. Christopher's coming to pick me up so I'm gonna go fix my makeup, ok?

  Artie Bucco : [while she walks away, disappointed]  Of course

• Artie Bucco : [while they carry groceries and enter the kitchen in their restaurant]  Paul Newman started his own salad dressing. Now they're over a hundred million a year and you know people love my sauce

  Charmaine Bucco : [sternly]  you run a restaurant, what do you know about mass production?

  Artie Bucco : I have an Associates degree in Business for God's sake, how are we gonna grow if we don't take risks?

  Charmaine Bucco : [referring to Tony Soprano]  going into business with a gangster isn't a "risk", that is a "guaranteed" disaster

  Artie Bucco : it's legitimate. It's part of the "revitalization" for the city of Newark and it's gonna give tax breaks for reopening old factories

  Charmaine Bucco : I'm trying to work here

  Artie Bucco : fuck the vegetables, we have a chance to open our own company, our own line of products

  Charmaine Bucco : then why is it called "Satriale's?"

  Artie Bucco : the pork store has a customer base: name recognition

  Charmaine Bucco : Vesuvio doesn't, your grandfather opened it up in the 30's

  Artie Bucco : Tony talked to this product marketing research guy, products beginning with the letter V make people think of "Vagina", it's a turn on

  Charmaine Bucco : [surprised]  what did you just say?

  Artie Bucco : Vaseline, etc., the whole thing is... can't you see the opportunities here?

  Charmaine Bucco : yes, to be a "front" for a mobster

  Artie Bucco : [irritated]  Jesus Christ already

  Charmaine Bucco : [referring to the line from act 1 scene 3 of Shakespeare's play, Hamlet]  When are you gonna learn, huh? "Be happy to thy own self"