- Notch Johnson: That's the fourth missing man this week.
- Kimberlee Clark: A poet this time.
- Notch Johnson: So, it's obviously money they're after.
- Jamaica St. Croix: A four-star chef, a minister, and a rabbi?
- Chip Rommel: Wait! I know this one. Do they walk into a bar?
- Notch Johnson: You listen to me, SPF-30. I want every ounce of attention devoted to finding these missing men. Nothing can get in the way of... hey! Who sent the gift basket?
- Chip Rommel: It's from the guy we saved from drowning. His company makes horny goat weed.
- Jamaica St. Croix: Isn't that the natural alternative to Viagara?
- Notch Johnson: Why would he send that to me? I have no problem getting and maintaining a good, stiff erection.
- Porcelain Bidet: Notch, I need you to marry me right now.
- Notch Johnson: Porcelain, I'm flattered, but I hardly know you.
- Porcelain Bidet: No. Perform the ceremony. Aren't you the captain of a ship?
- Notch Johnson: No, but I am a notary public.
- Porcelain Bidet: Good enough.
- Kimberlee Clark: You're getting married?
- B.J. Cummings: I didn't even know you were engorged.
- Jamaica St. Croix: Who's the lucky john?
- Porcelain Bidet: He's someone who's romantic, handsome, successful...
- Chip Rommel: Add intolerant and he sounds perfect.
- Notch Johnson: These could be Chip's.
- Kimberlee Clark: Notch, it's not like Chip to leave his equipment hanging out.
- [realizing the double entendre]
- Kimberlee Clark: Oh, great. Now I'm doing it.
- Jamaica St. Croix: I can't stand the way Porcelain's treating Snuggles.
- B.J. Cummings: What she needs is a taste of her own medicine.
- Jamaica St. Croix: [seeing the "horny goat weed" in Notch's gift basket] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- B.J. Cummings: [glancing at her chest] That my dangling milk bags are about to burst?
- Kimberlee Clark: Captain, I'm not sure I'm buying this.
- Captain Buck Enteneille: Well, I guess I'll just have to prove it to you, then. See this beach? It's all... an illusion.
- [he snaps his fingers]
- Captain Buck Enteneille: Here we are, white room, brown club chairs, by a station wagon.
- Kimberlee Clark: Captain, this doesn't make any sense.
- Captain Buck Enteneille: Kimberlee, did the movie "Vanilla Sky" make any sense?
- Kimberlee Clark: No.
- Captain Buck Enteneille: Exactly, but wasn't Tom Cruise delicious?
- Notch Johnson: Notch isn't responding. What happened?
- Kimberlee Clark: Well, I was afraid of this. It's only a matter of time before they find the probe, and once that probe is removed, his heterosexuality goes down the Elton John.
- Notch Johnson: You know, Kimberlee, when I was passed out, I had the strangest dream that you said you loved me.
- Kimberlee Clark: Well, maybe I...
- Notch Johnson: Like I said, it was the strangest dream.